Memories From The Past
by Libratine
Summary: Jenny suffers from amnesia after being involved in a car accident, and while she regains her memory she has to work on Gibbs team alongside McGee, Ziva and Tony. Jibbs, som Tiva, and Jenny/Tony-friendship.
1. The Accident

**Title: **Memories From The Past

**Author: **Libratine

**Characters: **Jenny, Gibbs, Ziva, Tony, Abby, McGee, Ducky**,** Vance

**Paring: **Romantically: Jibbs, Tiva, Friendship: Every character and Jenny, but right now I'm thinking mainly Jenny/Tony

**Spoilers:** Uhm, a little bit of everything, I think, but mainly the Jibbs moments.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own NCIS. I do however own every single grammatical mistake in this story…

**This is a story for you if: **You like a more flirtatious out-spoken Jenny. Like a jealous Ziva and a conspiraring and sometimes embarrased Tony. Want to know why Jenny said: "Well enough to know that I would like her I she wasn't an arms dealer" in regards to her relation to the Black Rose. Want to know why Jenny left Gibbs in Paris. Want some answers on the holes in the Rene Benoit-storyline. Want to explore Jenny's similarities and friendship with all the other characters. The list could go on...But most importantly this is a story for you if you like Jibbs and/or Tiva.

**AN: **This is completely different and hopefully not as angsty as the other stories I've written. I know the storyline "Jenny loses her memory" may have been used before but what the hell it's a nice storyline ;) Also my medical knowledge is suffering especially about coma, so there'll be some mistakes there.. Anywat I hope you enjoy it, and reviews are loved, since they make me want to write more!

* * *

**Chapter One – The accident**

It was early in January, the ground was covered in snow and the trees were still glittering because of the Christmas lights people still hadn't gotten around to pack away. Christmas trees were standing in front of peoples' houses ready to be trashed, and those spruce needles there still were, had lost their green color long ago. Kids were playing on the streets, throwing snowballs at each other and building snowmen.

"Don't worry, Cynthia, I'll be there in half an hour", Jenny said into the phone. "Yes I am aware about the meeting at 8… No you don't have to do that, but thanks anyway". She placed a hand over the speaker and asked the driver, "Could you turn left here, please?"

He gave her a short nod, "Of course, director".

"By the way Cynthia I nee…. Hector, the kid!" Jenny screamed, pointing towards a girl who had just run onto the road to fetch her dog. The driver immediately hit the brakes as he tried to maneuver the car around the girl. "No, don't brake…" But Jen's intermission was too late. The car started spinning around and instead of hitting the girl and the dog, the left side of the car collided with a telephone pole.

Cythia's voice was heard through the phone, "Director, are you there? Director? Jenny!"

* * *

Jenny slowly opened her eyes, but blinded by the light she instantly closed them again.

"Hey Jen, you're there?" Through her foggy mind she recognized the voice of one Leroy Jethro Gibbs. "If you can hear me, just nod". She nodded. He let out a deep breath and pressed a button, 20 seconds later a nurse appeared. "Could you tell the doctor, that Jennifer Shepard is awake?" The nurse nodded and left.

"Ho… ", she started but had to stop and start over. "How long… was I out?" Her voice was rusty and she spoke with great difficult.

"2 weeks", he replied.

Her eyes immediately opened, "2 … weeks?" she repeated disbelieving, staring at him in shock.

"You were in a coma", he elaborated.

Jenny was about to reply when Dr. Mallard entered. "Ducky!" she exclaimed happily, her eyes lighting up when she saw the familiar face of the old doctor.

"Hello my dear, I didn't know you were awake", he said looking accusingly at Gibbs, taking off the hat he had been wearing.

Jethro raised his hands in defense, "She just woke up".

Ducky turned towards Jenny and stepped closer to the bed. "How are you feeling, Director?" He asked gently.

Jen looked puzzled around before she answered. "Well if you mean me, then I'm doing surprisingly fine, thank you". Her voice was already better, now that she had said a few words.

"Actually" the good doctor pointed out, "you didn't have that many injuries only you're head took a bad hit, so it is not that surprisingly".

"So physically I'm fine?"

Ducky took in her appearance. Her red hair was tousled, the eyes glassy and she had a cut over her eyebrow but aside from that she looked pretty good. No broken arms or legs, just a mildly sprained wrist. "Well, you should take it slowly in the weeks to come, but knowing you, you'll probably be back to work in no time, Director" He gently reassured her.

Jenny looked genuinely confused this time."Why do you keep saying _Director_? Morrow is not here", she said looking around to see if by any chance she'd missed Tom standing in a corner, grumbling because she hadn't been able to work the past 14 days.

Gibbs and Ducky simultaneously looked at one another but before they got a chance to speak, a woman with black pigtails burst through the door. "You're awake! Yay! We were really worried, especially Ziva, and you know how much that means since she is a crazy assassin, well not _crazy_, crazy, not that there is anything wrong with that, unless of course you a crazy killer or stalker because then _crazy_, crazy is just crazy.. ". Jenny's lay in the bed completely overwhelmed by the bouncy woman"… but really it was kinda scary to see you being all in coma and you know being not responsive, and I know Ziva hasn't said anything but I mean, I could just feel it, you know, because she has been all moody an…"

"For goodness sake, breathe woman", Jenny exclaimed looking shocked at the rambling woman in front of her.

Abby took a huge inhale and breathed out before she spoke, "We're just so happy that you're finally awake".

"We?" Jenny questioned.

"You know, me, Ziva, Tony and McGee, even Cynthia has bee.."

Abby was interrupted by Jen, "Who?", she asked, "and what about Jones and Mark? Haven't they been here?" She said looking questioningly at Gibbs.

"What do you mean who?" Abby too turned towards Gibbs, "And who are Mark and Jones?"

Gibbs didn't answer either of the women, his eyes fixated on Jenny and his mind working in overdrive trying to process what was going on. This couldn't be happening; it had to be some sort of cruel joke, all his not-so-political-correct-actions added together and paid back by the universe, or bad karma or something equally stupid. "Jenny", he finally let out, "what year is it?"

"What are you talking about?" She looked amused at him, "it's 1999, what else would it be?"

TBC

* * *

**AN2: **So this was the first chapter… Jenny may seem a bit OOC in the chapters to come, but that is how I imagine her as a field agent. Reviews are very much appreciated and feel free to give constructive criticism since it's the only way for me to improve the story :)

**And a quick question: **I can for the life of me remember the name of the doctor treating Gibbs in Hiatus only that it was starting with Tod or something?… so if anybody could help that would be really nice :D

**And another quick question: **Do you guys prefer longer chapters but not as frequent updates, or do you rather want frequent updates but then the chapters won't be that long? I know that frequent, long updates would be ideal but I'm not sure I have the time for that, unfortunately :)


	2. What?

**Disclaimer: **Still not mine, though they are on the top of my wishing list!

**AN: **First of all thank you so much for all the reviews and the story alerts, they really made my day. Secondly about the length of the chapters, of course you guys couldn't agree, so I'll just have to figure something out along the way and find some middle ground ;) This is middel-lenght - I think... Also this will be the last update in a while since I'm going on a skiing trip with some friends between Christmas and New Years Eve, and the week after that I'm taking a trip to Dublin. Hopefully I'll be able to upload in between but I can't promise anything.

Anyway hope you enjoy the story and; Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you :D

* * *

Chapter two – We're not?

"_What are you talking about?" She looked amused at him, "it's 1999, what else would it be?"_

* * *

The room was left in an unpleasant silence. Jenny shifted nervously in the bed. "By the lack of response and the look on your faces, I take it this is not 1999?" she asked hesitantly.

Gibbs shook his head. "No. No it's not", he mumbled.

Jenny looked confused from Gibbs, to Ducky, to Abby, but none of them seem to have anything to add, they just stared dumfound at her. The s heavy silence was interrupted when the doctor entered the room quickly followed by Ziva, McGee and Tony.

"Miss Shepard it's good to see that you've finally decided to join the living again", Dr. Goodman said smiling brightly, however no one reacted. The doctor looked confused around, "did we interrupt anything?

"No… you didn't", Jenny said at last when no one seemed to want to answer the poor doctor. "It's just that it seems I'm suffering from a memory loss."

"Not you too", Tony whined. Jenny shot him confused a glance.

But before she could ask Tony what that meant, Goodman spoke, "Don't' worry head traumas usually causes retrograde amnesia and it's common for people not to be able to remember the time up to and including the accident. Do you know how bad it is?"

"That depends… What year is it?"

Finally Abby seemed to come around the shock. "Its 2009" she mumbled without looking directly at Jenny.

"Come again?" Jenny asked. "Did you just say.. But, I… It can't be 2009!" she managed to say at last. "That would mean I've lost…" she trailed off looking at Gibbs, pleading him to tell her that there had to be some sort of mistake.

Instead he nodded. "Yeah, ten years", he said quietly. "You've lost ten years."

"No" Jenny said in denial, her voice a little higher now and a tad hysterical. "I can't be 2009, it just can't be. I mean we were just sitting in your basement building the boat, remember?" she looked up at Gibbs. "And I was coming down the stairs with some beers and I tripped and… That's it! Next thing I know, I wake up here… You see, it can't be 2009!" she stressed out.

"Jenny" Gibbs said gently, moving closer to the bed. "I know this is weird but,"

"You know? How the hell do you know how it's like to lose ten years?"

"Well not ten" he said, jenny gave him a I-told-you-so glare," It was more like 15"

Her eyes immediately widen. "You lost your memory?" He nodded. "But what.. When, how?"

"Later", he said dismissively.

Jenny bit her lower lip and gave him a short nod in acceptance.

"By the amount of time you've lost, I don't think it's retrograde amnesia. It's odd however because your CT-scan was clean, but we'll of course take another one to see if we can see anything unusual.", Dr. Goodman said. "Also you'll have to speak with some of our psychologists and neurologists."

"Of course" Jenny replied. "But do you think it's possible for us to go home tonight?" Gibbs tried to hide a surprised look when Jen's hand cradled his own almost automatically. "I don't really like hospitals", she confessed, stroking a thumb over Gibbs' hand affectionately. A light bulb went on inside Gibbs' head. In 1999 she had fallen down his stairs; that was one month before they left for Paris and six months before she had left him in Paris. Back in March 1999 they had still been in a relationship.

"Jenny" Gibbs said slowly as he tugged his hand out of her grasp. Her eyes went from their no longer joined hands to his face. First they showed curiosity, wondering what in the world he was doing, but slowly the realization hit her and her eyes instantly became glassy.

"You broke up with me?" she whispered in disbelief. All collective gasp was heard in the background. Of course the team always knew something had once been going on between their boss and their boss' boos, but they'd never thought that they'd get actual proof. This however was undeniably one.

"Noo…"

"Well if they way you ripped your hand to yourself is anything to go by, I think it's safe to say that we aren't in a relationship anymore." When he didn't indicate she was mistaking, she continued. "And that means that either you ended it or that I di…" her voice trailed off, when she saw the look of sadness on his face. "I can't, I mean… I would, never..", Jenny stumbled seeming to have lost the ability to form a decent sentence along her memory. "I love you!" she finally said as if that settled it.

In the back the team, Ducky, Abby and the doctor stood in silence all of them observing what was happening, but enjoying living too much to want to interfere. Abby's eyes became watery at Jenny's statement, the woman in the hospital bed looked so small and fragile which was so different from the usual Director Shepard and the way she had said those words almost pleading Gibbs to tell her that he loved her too...

He hated her use of the word in present tense. He had never thought he would hear those words being spoken to him by her ever again, and hearing it now only reminded him of their non- existing relationship in the reality. Hell, even their friendship was only a ghost of what it used to be, everything had changed over the years especially since his sudden retirement. "Jenny" he said softly which was the third time within a short period that he had said her name like that.

"Don't you Jenny me, mister", she said sitting herself in an upright position, the fragile aura disappearing at once. "This is so wrong", she stressed out. "All of it! Could this day be any worse? First I find out that I've lost ten years of my life, then apparently we're no longer together, and to top it of gravity has started to take its toll on me." She said looking down at herself, her breasts definitely not as perky as they used to be. "2009 sucks!", Jenny said in the most childish manner before she slide down the bed and rolled over so her stomach was against the bed and her face pressed into the pillow. After a second she mumbled, "Am I really the director of NCIS?"

"The very first female director a federal agency" Ducky answered, trying to avoid the heavy atmosphere that had settled in the room. "You got your own team in Spain in 1999 and in 2001 you were once again promoted and you started working different operations in the Middle East with Ziva."

"Ziva?" Jenny repeated, remembering that the black-haired, bubbly woman had mentioned the name. She looked up from her pillow and spotted the Israeli woman in the back, who gave her a short nod as to confirm Jenny's thoughts.

"And then in 2005 you became the director of NCIS", Ducky finished.

Jenny let out a barely audible "wow".

"Jenny? Jenny Shepard?" Jenny turned to look at the new voice along with every other person in the room.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?", she asked sitting up once again.

"My name is Dr. Gelfand. Todd Gelfand." The man in the doorframe said.

"You are Gibbs' doctor", Ziva stated eyeing him almost suspiciously.

"Mmm, Yes.. yes I am" he confirmed.

"What are you doing here?" Abby asked curious. One of them had been at the hospital all the time, mostly Gibbs, just in case Jenny would wake up, and during her coma a lot of flowers and cards had been sent, a few people (politicians was her guess) had also showed up, and a step-sister (apparently Jenny's mother had left her father because he worked all the time. She had gotten a new man and another daughter. The mother however had died from breast cancer about six months ago, so she of curse couldn't visit the sister had said, though Abby hadn't agreed with that since it was common knowledge that no one ever really died, they just went to an alternative dimension, and if Jenny's mother wanted to visit Director Shepard then she would, though Jenny would probably be the only one able to sense her) had also visited Jenny, bringing her some chocolate in case she woke up, which Abby had insisted she would, eventually at least. But not once during the two weeks had she seen Todd Gelfand.

"I just dropped by to see how the patient was doing", he smiled first at Abby and then towards Jenny, but then the smile haltered. "But I guess not so well if you don't remember me?"

"Or maybe you're just not that memorable", Jenny said though the smile and glint in her eyes told him she was just kidding. "I'm suffering from a memory loss, so I can't remember anything from the past ten years", she confessed. So he was Gibbs' doctor, why, she didn't know, but why did he look so nervous? And was he blushing? "Exactly how well do I know you?" she asked suspiciously.

He laughed, slightly nervous she noticed, "We dated for a month before you ended it" he confirmed.

"A month?" she repeated. "Guess old habits die hard, huh?", Jenny mumbled.

Tony raised an eyebrow. He had always thought the director was a relationship-woman, but if she dumped the nice doctor after a month and thought of it as an old habit, it could indicate that perhaps there was more behind the beautiful appearance, especially considering she was the one to leave Gibbs back in the days too. Interesting.

"Why did I end it?" Jenny asked blunt, never being a person to beat around the bush.

"I don't know really. You mentioned something about a mission and that it could be dangerous for us to be involved, but I thought it was just a bad excuse", he smiled somewhat melancholic and also a bit embarrassed to be flaunting it in front of everybody. He'd hoped that he could've spoken to her in private, but apparently that wasn't an option.

"Oh" she let out a soft gasp. "Do I have those kind missions?" she asked turning towards Gibbs, who had been closely following the interaction between the two. He had never known that they had dated in the past and briefly wondered if Todd was the one, who had sent her those flowers standing on her desk, when he had returned from Mexico. Her question interrupted his thoughts. His immediate answer was no, because directors didn't have mission in that sense of the word. However _she _had.

"La Grenouille"

"The Frog?" she asked puzzled, clearly not understanding how in the world a green little animal fitted into the context.

_I have been trying for a decade to bring him down._

He could hear her voice in his head just as clearly as if she was saying it right now. "You don't remember?", he asked.

"I just lost ten years, of course I don't remember" she replied rolling her eyes. "Who is he?"

"Arms dealer," Jenny looked at him with an _and?_-expression on her face. Quietly Gibbs continued. "You think he killed your dad".

Jenny's eyes immediately hardened and her lips formed a thin line. "How do you know about my father?" He was about to reply, but she cut him off. "You know what? It doesn't matter. I don't want to know." She looked over the room, making brief eye contact with everyone, before she looked down at her folded hands. "Would you please leave?" Her voice was steady but cold like ice, penetrating his skin, finding its way to his veins and freezing his blood. He knew that she was close to tears.

"Jenny"

"Now!", she wasn't shouting instead her voice was calm, but that didn't make it any less commanding, and quickly everyone fled from the room, including Gibbs.

Jenny took a deep breath to clear her thoughts and to stop the tears that had gathered in her eyes. Jethro knew about her father. He actually knew. She didn't really know how to react to this news. A part of her had always wanted to tell him about her family, but now, she couldn't even remember how she had told him. His team, she guessed the people had been working for him, apparently knew too since he didn't mind saying it front of them. Damn, this was bad. And why on earth would it be dangerous for her to be involved with someone when she went Frog-hunting? Missions had never stopped her in the past. Maybe it was just a bad excuse? She did know an awful lot of those, especially break-up-ones. Her eyelashes felt heavy and she briefly closed them. She could feel the dreamingly stage pulling her away from more concrete thoughts and decided to wait with all the speculation until after a little nap.

**AN2:** So this was the second part, hope you enjoyed it and remember reviews are like chocolate, they make people happy and smiling like idiots ;) Btw. there'll be more Tiva-interaction soon, I just don't want to push it into the story and I didn't fit into this chapter imo =)

The next chapter will focus more on exactly what is wrong with Jenny's and why her mind decided it was still 1999!


	3. What's Wrong?

**AN: **I'm sorry about the long wait, but between hangovers and exchanging Christmas gifts I had no time to write, hopefully the wait won't be this long for the next chapter. Thank you so much for the nice feedback!

Hope you enjoy this chapter, and bear in mind that my medical knowledge is limited but I tried to make it accurate.

* * *

_Chapter three – What's wrong?_

* * *

Outside the room the team gathered around the doctors, who were discussing what might be wrong with Jenny, both of them thinking that it was something psychological.

"I don't think it's a selective amnesia, though. You may block a certain incident because it's traumatic, but you don't lose ten years. That is too much", Dr. Gelfand argued.

"What about dissociative amnesia?" Dr. Goodman offered.

"It is very rare, but you're right, it could fit". Todd turned towards the six people who all looked confused. "Dissociative amnesia is when a person blocks out certain information, usually associated with a stressful or traumatic event, leaving them unable to remember important personal information. It's most common with women and usually trigged by overwhelming stress, which might be the result of traumatic events—like abuse, accidents or disasters—that the person has experienced or witnessed. I don't believe Jenny's accident to be the cause, but something traumatic could've happen in her past so her mind decided to simply block out everything after that incident. Another option is that the incident didn't occur over a short period of time but was ongoing which meant she was still trouble by it and therefore chose to live back in 1999."He paused. "Do any of you know what could have caused her mind to behave like this? Has she experienced anything that could traumatize her, something that affected her every single day, maybe some sort of obsession?"

The group looked around at each other all thinking the same thing – René Benoit. Finally Gibbs spoke up.

"The Frog"

"The man who killed her father?", Dr. Goodman asked.

"Yeah… She has been trying to get him for the past decade"

"But she didn't remember him which means that he might be introduced to her life short after whenever her brain think it is" Gelfand finished and looked at Goodman for confirmation.

"That could be it. If whatever happened between her and The Frog affected her every day, maybe she simply chose to go back to a time where he didn't exist."

"Is there a cure?", Ziva asked.

"With dissociative amnesia, the memories still exist but they are deeply buried within the person's mind. There are different ways to recall the memories, difference kinds of therapies. But I think the best thing to do would be bringing her back to a familiar environment then the memories might resurface after being triggered by something in her surroundings."

"She can't be the director of a federal agency when she's like this", Gibbs stated.

"She could work with us", Ziva said surprising the crowd who looked at her in disbelief. She elaborated. "Jenny could work with us, on your team, Gibbs. She has worked with both of us before, but she only remembers you and Ducky which means she will be comfortable around you. We could try to help her regain her memory since we know things about her that a random team would not, yes? Besides I really do not think she would like to work alongside assistant director Vance, she may not remember him now, but when she does I do not want to be there"

"Director Shepard knows Vance?" Tony asked, obviously intrigued. Ziva just smiled at him and looked back at Gibbs, who looked over at Ducky. He was after all the one of them who knew most about psychology.

"Excellent suggestion, Ziva. I do believe that working on Jethro's team would be the best thing for Jenny at the moment".

Gibbs sighed. It wasn't that he didn't want to work with Jenny, she had after all been one hell of an agent. But given their history and her current situation he wasn't sure if working together would be such a good idea. On the other hand he didn't know who else she could work with. Ziva was right, working next to Leon probably wasn't the smartest thing to do and Jenny did have the best options for regaining her memory working on his team. He looked at the doctors. "Is there a chance she won't regain her memory?"

"There is always a chance that the person won't recall the suppressed memories, but they usually do.", Todd answered in a very diplomatic, doctor way.

* * *

"Line up" Tony bellowed to his fellow teammates as they stepped away leaving Gibbs and Ducky to discuss something practically about Jenny's return.

McGee looked annoyed at him. "What, Tony?"

"Pay up", he stretched out a palm.

Ziva looked skeptically at him, "What for?"

"We had a bet, and who said the director and Gibbs had an affair back in the days? Moi!" He pointed two thumbs at himself to enforce his point.

"Tony, we all said that", Ziva pointed out.

He looked around at the group, both Abby and McGee nodded in agreement to Ziva's statement.

"All of you?", he whined.

Ziva smiled, "Yes Tony, all of us."

Tony squinted his eyes and did some heavy thinking, before he said, "But! ... Who said the director was seeing the doctor?" He looked around for approval.

Ziva rolled her eyes, "You did", she said annoyed and defeated.

"So", DiNozzo smiled victoriously, rising himself once again to full height with chest pushed forward and shoulders pushed back, "pay up".

"You know what I just realized, Tony?" McGee said with a pondering expression.

"What?" Ziva asked, before Tony had a chance.

"You are the by far the biggest shipper I know"

Abby laughed. "Oh yeah, you're so right, McGee! I can't believe I didn't noticed that before"

"He is a what?", Ziva asked confused.

"A shipper" McGee clarified, "is a fan of a romance between two fictional character"

Ziva looked even more confused. "But neither the director nor Gibbs is a fi.."

"I know", McGee interrupted her. "I just occurred to me that Tony is always the first to point out a romantic link between two people".

"I don't do that", Tony insisted having gotten over the initially shock.

"Director Shepard and Gibbs, Dr. Gelfand and Director Shepard, Colonel Mann and Gibbs, Palmer and Lee, Agent Jonhson and that girl from…"

"Okay, McGee I get your point" Tony said preventing Tim from continuing. "But I never suggested it was a romantic relationship. I just said they were doing it. One doesn't necessarily mean the other".

"You can say what you want to Tony, but deep down your just one big romantic cuddle bug" McGee smiled and Abby and Ziva both laughed at Tony's horrified facial expression.

"I merely stated that Gibbs and the director they.."

"They what, DiNozzo?" Tony immediately turned around starring straight into his boss' eyes looking sheepish.

"Erh.. What I said was.." He dragged out slowly. "They, you and director Shepard, probably weren't up for any food at the moment." He looked at Ziva for help.

"So we thought about getting something to eat for ourselves and then go back and do some paperwork."Tony groaned at the last mention.

Gibbs raised an eyebrow questioningly at him. "Ziva is right" Tony hurriedly said. "And McGee saw a fast-food place on the way over here, right?"

"Ehm… yeah, I've been there a couple of times since Jenn…"

Gibbs looked annoyed at them.

"Shut up and lead the way, McDonald" Tony said shoveling McGee out the door with Abby and Ziva hot in his heels.

* * *

Jenny awoke. She had no idea for how long she had slept, but the darkness outside the window suggested that it was way past bedtime. She turned to lie on her side and hopefully she would be able to get some more sleep before the sun rose. However when she turned around a file lying on the bedside table caught her attention, or more likely the note on the file caught her attention. She sat up and turned on the lamp.

_I don't want to talk about it, but I thought you should know before you got back_

_-Gibbs_

Curiously she grabbed the file and opened it. She scanned the pages and her heart dropped when she realized exactly what case file she was holding in her hands. Two pictures were attached to the file, one showing a beautiful redheaded women and the other one a cute little girl. She began to read. Gibbs had been stationed in Iran. His wife Shannon had witness a murder and wanted to testify. Drug Lord killed the agent driving a car with Shannon and Kelly inside and they both die in the crash. Details didn't really matter, because she got the bigger picture. Jethro had had a family; a real family with a wife and a kid, with birthday parties and family dinners, with sleepless nights and baby cries. He had had that.

She took a deep breath to clear her thoughts and wipe away the tears that had gathered in her eyes while reading. She looked at the pictures once more. Shannon was absolutely stunning, but the photo she really cared about was the one of Kelly. Gibbs had had a little girl. A daughter. He had been a dad. Somehow she couldn't fit that into her perception of him. He had been her partner, the guy who worked too much and therefore neglected his wives. The loyal but complicated man who had been her friend and family in the time she had worked with him. And he had been the man she had fallen in love with despite trying to rationalize that she wasn't. That man had had a family... And she hadn't known, she couldn't help but add.

She placed the file on the table and pressed her head into the pillow. She couldn't help but wonder if he really had felt anything special about her. It was a selfish thought considering she just found out that he had lost his family, that he had lost a kid, but she had it nevertheless. She hated second-guessing him but she couldn't help it. He had had a redheaded wife and a daughter, and now all his wives/girlfriends were redheaded. If there was one thing Gibbs had taught her it was never to believe in coincidences. Maybe she had just been a substitute. A thought Jenny hated but couldn't get rid off. Maybe he had only been with her because she had reminded him of Shannon, a ghost of what he used to have. She turned to lie on her backside. No, she refused to believe it. Gibbs liked redheads; he always had, before and after Shannon. He had to have.

* * *

The next time Jenny woke the sun was shining and illuminating the otherwise cold hospital room. She blinked a couple of times trying to get used to the sunlight. She stole a quick glance at the table, but the file was gone. A small smiled played across her lips, she hadn't really expected it to be lying there in the morning. When had he been there to remove it? Her question was answered when the door flew open and Gibbs stepped in, a cup of coffee in his left hand.

"You're up"

"It was a bit hard to sleep with all the sun coming through the window".

"Want me to close the blinds?"

"Nah, I needed to get up anyway", she smiled. "Did you talk with the doctors yesterday?"

"yeah, they seem to think you have some sort of amnesia."

"Really?" Jenny asked sarcastically.

He tried to suppress a smile at her annoyed look. "It's some sort of psychological defense that has kicked in. Apparently you've experienced something traumatic in 1999 which has affected your whole life and therefore you've shut that part of your life out."

She stared at him, letting his words sink in, trying to understand the meaning. "Oh My God, you think our break up traumatized me so much, so my mind still decided that we're together?!" She asked disbelieving.

He chuckled at the thought. "Well…"

"My God what an ego you have, I assure yo…"

"Relax Jen, that's not the reason", he cut her off before she really could get started, he knew how much she could ramble if she was worked up.

"Oh"

Gibbs took a deep breath before he continued. "We think that you're amnesia has something to do with the Frog."He waited to gauge her reaction.

Jenny's instinct was to kick him out. She didn't want him to know anything about her father, partly because they'd never had that kind of relationship and partly, well, actually she didn't know it was just a gut feeling, that something bad had happened between Gibbs and this Frog-fellow. But then she remembered the case file on her night stand. She had no idea when she had first learned about his family, but now that she knew she felt she needed to be honest with him too. Or at least wait to kick him out until he had said something enlightening.

She closed her eyes, "How so?"

Gibbs relaxed a bit seeing her reaction. "You once told me, that you'd been trying for a decade to bring him down. If that's true, you would be chasing him since right about now according to your timeline." He paused. "You fell down my stairs in march".

"I know"

"In April we went to Paris on an undercover mission."

"You think that's where I found out about the Frog?" He raised an eyebrow questioningly wondering how she figured that out. "La Grenouille is French so I took a guess".

"A damn good guess"

A silence fell over them and they both gazed out the window, so they didn't have to face each other. After a little while Jenny looked back at Gibbs. "What do you think happened?"

"Don't know…. But I do know that you haven't been yourself these past years", she looked questioningly at him. "You've been obsessive over this guy; Endangering your agents to settle your own revenge."

"I would never…"

"That's what thought so too… until now"

Jenny looked down at the hands. "So what now?"

"Now you'll be joining my team"

"What?!" She stared at him in disbelief. "You joking right?"

He would've chuckled at her horrified look, if the situation hadn't been serious. "Apparently that's the best way to regain you memory."

"Says who?"

"The doctors"

Well she couldn't really argue with that. Another silence enveloped the couple.

"Do you know when I can go home?"

"Jenny.." he sighed.

"Jethro", she whined, "you know I hate it here. Nothing is physically wrong with me, so they have no reason to keep me" She looked up at him with big puppy eyes. "Can't you talk to the doctors", she pleaded.

Gibbs sighed he might as well give it a try; "sure", he turned to walk out.

"Hey Jethro" he looked back at her. "Thank you".

* * *

**AN2:** Okay, so that's it for now folks. I hope you enjoyed it and reviews are very welcome. Also I have another question that occurred to me while I wrote it this chapter. Would anyone be interested in a House/NCIS crossover? It would be Huddy, Jibbs and some Tiva. I haven't exactly figured out the plot, but it would be something along the lines of House trying to diagnose Jenny and it'd take place after internal affairs. It's just the Lisa Cuddy and Jenny sort of reminds me of each other, so I thought it could be fun to put them in the same story and see what happened. Anyway, just wanted to know if anybody would be interested =)


	4. First Day At Work

**AN1: **A BIG apology for the very, very, _very_ long wait! But here it is – believe it or not – the next installment in this story. I am still plan on finishing it, and hopefully there won't go _quite_ as long before the next update. Anyway, I know it's been forever, and I'm not sure if people are interested in this story anymore? But here is another chapter, and I hope you enjoy it :)

..

..

_Beep_

_Beep_

_BEEP_

Jenny awoke from the annoying sound of her alarm. As she stretched her body, arms above her head and back arching off the madras, she breathed in the nice smell of newly washed sheets. Doctor Goodman had given his approval last night, and she had been able to go home to sleep. Jenny had debated on whether or not to ask Gibbs, if he would stay with her, but she had ultimately decided against it. It could only end in a disaster of that she was sure. Still sleepy, Jenny dragged herself out of the bed and, in her best zombie imitation, walked into her bathroom to do her morning routine.

She had mixed feelings about returning to Gibbs' team. It wasn't a secret that she still loved him, not after she had blurred it out in front of his whole team. So naturally, she wanted to be close to him, and she already missed his present. However, things were different now than ten years ago. Firstly and most importantly they weren't a couple anymore, hell Jenny didn't even know whether they still considered themselves friends. Secondly there was his new team. People who he, knowing him, thought of as family and trusted with his life, people she had no memory of whatsoever. What if she didn't get along with them? What if they didn't like her and already had an impression of her as an up-tight, no-fun director? And was she that?

She took a deep breath as she stepped out of the bathroom. Today was definitely going to be interesting.

* * *

The 'ping' from the elevator indicated that Jenny had reached her floor. Slightly nervous she stepped out of the confined space and strode into the bull-pen, her posture straight and her head held high showing no signs of the butterfly-war that was currently taking place in her stomach.

"Good morning", she smiled looking around trying to decide where to plant her bag. Neither McGee nor Tony was there yet, so there were three empty tables.

"Morning", Ziva replied taking her eyes of the computer screen to smile at Jenny.

Her eyes went from Ziva's desk to Gibbs', "so where do I sit?"

Gibbs gave a slight nod indicating the desk in corner to the left of McGee's, and Jenny took a seat. She sat on the chair, drumming her feet restlessly against the floor, her eyes shifting between Ziva and Gibbs who were both staring intently at the screens in front of them. The first few minutes went by like this until Jenny decided to break the silence. "So...", she started, "is there anything I can do, or I am suppose to just sit here and look pretty?" Ziva grinned, and Gibbs couldn't help but curve his lips into a very good imitation of a smile. "Not that I mind", Jenny continued, "I am very good at looking pretty. It just gets a bit boring after a while".

Gibbs rose from his seat and grabbed a stack of papers from this desk, before he moved over to jenny and unceremoniously dumped them on her desk with a loud thud. "Read them".

Jenny took the first one and opened it, "what is this?"

"Cold case files"

"Anything specific I should look for, or is it just to pass some time until we get a new case?"

"Fiona Lane". Gibbs said, stating the name of the victim in the first file, as he returned to his desk. Jenny's eyes quickly scan the report: 26 years old lieutenant stabbed to death in 2003, found in a pool of her own blood in her bed, murder weapon was never identified and neither was the murder – of course.

"So do we have any new leads in this, or are we supposed to look for something previously missed?"

"The murder weapon turned up – we think", Ziva responded, rising from her chair and made her way to McGee's computer. Skillfully, she tabbed away on the keyboard and two images appeared on the screen. One of them showed the victim's stomach with four little, round holes in it, while the other one was a picture of the responsible weapon.

"An ice pick?", Jenny asked disbelieving, "How very _Basic Instinct_".

"Finally someone who knows her movies"

David and Shepard both turned around to see Tony walk in, the trademark smile plastered on his face and the mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Well it was a mayor box-office-hit"

He nodded in approval. "So what's up?" he asked dumping his bag on the floor and himself in his chair.

"Old case. 26 years old lieutenant stabbed to death in 2003, apparently with an ice pick", Jenny replied gesturing towards the screen. "She was found naked in her own bed", she added.

"Basic instinct indeed. Well except for the fact that we got a dead woman, not man".

"Could still be a female killer tough," Jen said. "She could've been a lesbian."

Tony broke into a goofy smile, "now that's a nic..", he didn't finish before Gibbs' hand collided with the back of his head. Jenny snickered; it was good to see something never change.

"She had a boyfriend", he informed them.

"But she was cheating", Jenny said. "There is no sign of self-pleasuring, but the ME's said there was traces of her own body fluids. She was definitely aroused when she was killed." She turned to Tony.

"Basic Instinct," they both concluded, grinning.

"There are two of them," Ziva exclaimed in mock horror. Gibbs just shook his head. He had forgotten how much Jenny loved movies.

Tony turned to the screen. "Question is; who did it?"

"Well that's kind of why we're here. Unless they pay you for something different?" Jenny asked teasingly. She had decided that she liked Tony. He seemed fun and in some ways he reminded her a bit of herself.

Tony glared at her. "Well, I don't know, you'd have to ask my boss about that. Not sure you'd get an answer though, since she's currently trying to remember why they're even paying her."

It was Jenny's turn to glare. "Not fair". Tony just smiled.

"Guys", Ziva said gesturing towards the screen. Jenny decided that she looked a bit pissed. Her eyes were following Jenny, observing the way she'd talk to Tony.

"Sorry…" Jenny started, but was interrupted by Tony.

"Never say…"

"I know!" Jenny exclaimed. "You don't need to remind me, I am _very_ familiar with rule number 6." She said glaring at Gibbs. "I remember all of them. They are practically engraved so deep in my brain that not even a car crash and a memory loss can make them go away."

"Really," Tony said smirking. "Then this should be easy. Rule 9?"

"Never go anywhere without a knife"

"Rule 7?"

"Always be specific when you lie"

"Rule 15?"

"Always work as a team." She smirked, this was almost too easy.

"Rule 12?" As soon as the words had left his mouth, a look of regret settled on his face - Probably not the best one to go with.

"Never be unreachable."

"No, that's number 3" Tony said his eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

"Really? Well what's rule 12 then?"

"Never date a co-worker", he said unable to look her in the eyes. Yep, definitely shouldn't have brought that one up.

Jenny looked puzzled for a few moments, before her eyes suddenly widened in understanding.

In a quick attempt to carry on with the game and not get too caught up in wondering why the rule had been changed, Tony said, "Number 18?"

"It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission", Jenny said no longer feeling the mood, but determined to play the game and willing herself to forget about the change of rule #12.

"Rule one?"

"Never screw you partner?" She offered with a sly smile.

"Never screw _over_ your partner, Jen". Jenny gaps, Gibbs had sneaked up on her and had practically whispered it in her ear. He had been so close to her, her body tingling from just the mere present of him and the way his breath had tickle her ear. Wait a second. She had been here before. She had had this conversation.

Jenny grabbed Gibbs and ran to the window pushing her back against it and drawing him closer placing his hand on each side of her head. "I never screwed you over, and I'm not you partner, I'm your boss." She all but whispered to his face. Then her whole face light up in a big smile. "We've been here before, right? Right here, we had just descended the stairs and we were having an argument, when you pushed me up against the window?" she asked animated, her enthusiasm growing bigger by the second over actually remembering something.

Gibbs couldn't help but smile, finding her fervor almost kind of cute, and nodded in confirmation.

Before Jenny could actually comprehend what she was doing, it was too late. She had raised herself on her tiptoes, grabbed Gibb's head in her palms and pressed her lips against his unsuspecting ones. It took her a second to realize what she was doing, another one to understand that he wasn't really kissing back, and one last one to remember that they weren't a couple and the year was 2009. She pulled back, biting her lower lip.

"Slip up", she explained unable to look him in the eyes, not wanting to see his reaction. "Forgot we weren't together. It was just the situation, the position…" she gestured towards the close proximity between them. "Seems like a situation that would have led to a kiss – back in the days of course". She added quickly.

"Jenny…" He started but stopped, not knowing what to say.

"Don't say anything, this was entirely my fault. I just need to get used to this – us – not behaving like we used to." She slipped under his right arm without having made any eye contact.

Tony and Ziva were gracefully enough to act as if they were in such a deep conversation about the case that they hadn't seen anything.

"But that does not make sense Tony, why would she do that?" Ziva asked.

Tony shrugged. "Don't know, but it could be a reason."

"So could prostitution, but you do not hear me saying that"

"Well.."

"Because it would be wrong. We have to find a reasonable motive, not whatever you perverted brain can stitch together."

"Hey, you're the one talking about prostitution."

The annoyed agent rolled her eyes.

"Tony, what I am saying is…"

"Coffee-break", Gibbs announced striding towards the elevator.

Jenny sighed, this whole arrangement was stupid. She was way too comfortable around him, to be around him. It felt so right to kiss him, and it came so natural to her. This had been their routine for the past 10 months, according to her, and to just switch from one to the other seemed impossible. Naturally they'd never displayed in kind of affection in public, the key word to their relationship being a _secret_ affair, but the comfort level between them had been through the roof. They teased and taunted each other from the first day, trading insults and witty retorts had quickly become part of their every day routine and flirting by backwards compliments and funny competitions was so easy to do. But what really had brought them together, and kept them there, was their sense of humor. She'd look forward to go to work, knowing that at least one time during the day Gibbs would make her smile and most like laugh out loud. It was so _right_ to be around him, so completely and utterly natural that she'd caught herself wondering if a true love really existed. She'd felt safe around him from the very beginning and though it was never easy and uncomplicated to be with him, it was still easy in the sense of the word that she didn't have to pretend. She let of a shaky breath, suddenly worried that she'd never be able to get that back. Not Jethro-the-lover or even Gibbs-the-ultimate-sex-God, but Leroy Jethro Gibbs her friend and partner with whom she'd felt more comfortable around than anybody else.

A _ping_ ripped her away from her thoughts, and she looked as McGee stepped out of the elevator. Jenny breathed a sigh of relief - for a second she'd been worried that it might be Gibbs, and she was definitely not ready to face him just yet.

"Morning McGee"

"Probie!"

"Good morning"

"Morning guys", he replied and seated himself in his chair. "Do we have a case?" he looked towards the big screen with a picture of Fiona.

"She was stabbed to death in 2003", Ziva answered before Tony and Jenny could make any movie-references. "Most likely with this ice-pick", she added.

"That particular one?" Tim asked, moving closer to the screen.

"Yes, it was found by a man fishing in the lake, completely frozen inside an ice-block"

"That is a Hamilton & Gert-ice pick", he pointed at the picture of the screen. They looked questioningly at him. He shrugged, "my dad used to take me ice-fishing. This brand is very rare," he went to his computer and typed away, "they only have on factory, and it's located here in Washington. It's owned by Jack Hamilton", a picture of a man in his mid-forties appear on the screen.

"I have seen him before", Ziva exclaimed, the others turned to her in surprise. "He was there when we picked up the ice pick, lingering in the backgrou… Wait a second. I have seen that man before!"

"You just said that, David", Tony looked puzzled at her. "Are you jumping too on this amnesia-trend?"

She rolled her eyes in annoyance. "No I mean a long time ago, when we worked that case about Amanda Hill. He was our main suspect, but…"

"We had to let him go because we didn't have enough evidence", McGee cut in, completing the rest of her sentence.

"Exactly", Ziva said. "But it was sort of the same situation, yes? It was also a dead woman, found naked in her bed."

"Hold on", McGee said as he banged on the keyboard. "He is using his cell-phone." A map appeared on the big screen. "He is at "

"We can't really go and pick him up", Jenny chimed in. "We don't have anything on than a hunch and you can't arrest people on hunches. "

"But we could observe him, see if he is going to do anything stupid, now that he knows we have the ice pick", Tony added.

The others nodded in agreement. "Only problem is he has seen us," McGee said

"Not me", Jenny replied and then quickly added, "or did he?"

"No, you are good to go", Ziva responded.

"And me. He didn't meet me the last time, he was here" Tony said.

Jenny locked eyes with Tony and smiled sneakily with a glint of mischief in her eyes as she said, "Undercover-assignment, my favorite!"

**..**

**..**

**AN2: **So there you go, I know it's on the short side, but I hope you enjoyed it :)

About the House/NCIS-story I am actually working on one at the moment, so hopefully I'll be able to post it soon, otherwise I have a NCIS-story that is called The Seven Worlds, where there'll be a lot of AU Huddy, if anybody is interested :)


	5. Mixed Feelings

**AN: **Another update!! Bet you didn't see that one coming. I can guarantee you that I didn't, but for some reason I felt a bit inspired this morning and wrote this chapter. Hopefully, I can continue this rhythm.

I'll apologize in advantage for the spelling- and grammatical errors there are bound to be.

Hope you enjoy, and thank you so much for the nice reviews :)

* * *

Standing in the elevator, Gibbs mentally prepared himself for facing Jenny again. Buying a nice cup of coffee had really helped. It had dulled his nerves and drowned the annoying tingling in his chest. So she thought she still loved him and she was way too comfortable around him, big deal. Jenny was the one having a tough time trying to remember the past ten years, not him. She was the one, who was feeling weird, because things were different now. But then why the hell did that stupid, little peck on the lips bother him so much? Why was he feeling this way, when he knew that noting was going on between them, and that nothing ever would once she regained her memory? He wasn't the one who was suppose to be confused, she was. Not him. Her.

He stepped out the elevator and made his way to his desk, when Jenny practically ran up to him.

"Boss, we think we got him", she exclaimed happily, obviously already past their little moment.

A deep silence settled on the room and the three original team-members gave her a quizzical look. Gibbs smirked, and Jenny shook her head finally catching on.

"Don't suppose I call you _boss_ anymore?" she asked with a sheepish-looking smile.

"No, can't say you do"

"Still can't believe it's the other way round. That _will_ take some time getting used to". She suddenly looked down, blushing. "We used to joke about me being the boss, 'member?"

Oh, he remembered - Very vividly, thank you very much. He used to love it when she was 'the boss'. Her being on top, riding him in a pace that kept him... okay, enough of that.

He leaned a little closer to her, "I'm not the one with amnesia", he responded in a low voice.

She chuckled and nervously tugged a lost stray of hair back to its rightful place behind her ear, obviously a little embarrassed.

"What do you have?" He asked, turning to the team trying to get back on topic.

"The guy who owns the company that makes this kind of ice-pick, is an old suspect in a case similar to this" McGee quickly explained to him.

"I remember that guy", Gibbs said looking at the picture on the screen.

"We brought him in back then" Tim added. "And since he hasn't seen Tony or the director we're gonna have them follow him".

"McGee, call me Jenny or Shepard or whatever, anything but director or Madam", Jenny said before Gibbs had a chance to respond to what McGee had just said.

"What about Ma'm?" McGee asked trying to sound cheeky, but you could see a slight glimmer of nervousness in his eyes.

Jenny laughed. "Do that and I will keelhaul you. Anyway me and Tony should get going before the guy turns off his cell-phone."

Everybody looked expectantly at Gibbs. He nodded, ignoring the little jab of jealousy that flared through him when Jenny light up into a big smile. "Get going".

* * *

Packed with a video camera-necklace and a pair of video camera-glasses plus microphones, Jenny and Tony made their way down the street hand in hand. Being a couple seemed to gather the least attention from surrounding people, and being the easiest to fake.

"We got him", Jenny said to the mic as they spotted Jack Hamilton. "Come on", she dragged Tony after her into the shop where Jack had just disappeared.

"Wow, I am in heaven", Tony proclaimed in a muffle voice. They had just entered a very, very expensive lingerie-shop, coming face-to-face with a mannequin wearing a red, lacy bra with a matching thong. "Nice".

"Hey", he muttered when Jenny elbowed him in the ribs.

"So for me birthday I want something nice and lacy", Jenny said trying to keep up the charade of them being involved.

"Well, then I think we found the perfect shop", DiNozzo observed as he took in the rest of the lingerie. Everything was lacy and most definitely _nice_.

They went further into the store, keeping an eye on jack who was looking at a very expensive, black thong/bra-set.

"What about these?"Jenny said holding up a pair of panties in a light pink color with a white, lace pattern on them.

Tony shot her a quick glance, keeping his attention on their guy, who was now buying the black underwear. "You already have those", he remarked absentmindedly.

"_She WHAT?!"_ Gibbs voiced was heard through the ear-piece.

Jenny raised an eyebrow, and Tony immediately realized what he had just uttered.

The _ding_ indicated that Jack had just left the store.

"And how exactly did you acquire that piece of information?" Jenny asked with a glint in her eyes, obviously teasing him, but also a bit curious as to why one of her agents knew what kind of underwear she owned.

"Ahm, you see… it's because," Tony was stumbling over the words, which was actually kind of cute, "well, you were talking to an informant, and then a car passed by and started shooting at you. Your car became evidence, and when we searched it we found a pair of your panties in the glove compartment." He mumbled as they stepped out of the shop.

Jenny contemplated this new piece of information. "Oh God", she suddenly said, "You don't think I'm having a secret affair with somebody, who is know wondering what the hell has happened to me?" The thought that she was in a relationship hadn't occurred to her before simply because she'd only thought of Gibbs. But the 2009-Jeny was single, and in any way capable of having a relationship with somebody. Just because the team didn't know about it, didn't mean it didn't exist.

"We thought about it", Tony answered truthfully, happy that Gibbs hadn't growled anything else, literally, into his ear. "But your car-crash was a public affair, and people knew you were hospitalized, so your lover-boy would've known about your accident…"

"… And therefore tried to contact me, which he didn't, which most likely means he doesn't exist", she concluded.

"A gold star to Miss Shepard for the correct answer".

Jenny smiled at him.

"_He is going into his car_", Ziva announced breaking the little moment between the former and present agent.

"On it", Tony replied as they too got in their car, following the black BMW.

* * *

"Stake-out time", Jenny said as she produced a magazine from behind her seat.

They had parked outside the apartment in which Mr. Hamilton was currently located, and was now awaiting instruction from Gibbs. They'd seen Jack in the window at third floor with some woman, who McGee was trying to indentify.

"_A Mrs. Jane Dashwell lives on that floor with her husband Larry Dashwell. But I don't know how she knows Hamilton_, t_here isn't an obvious connection between them_".

"Maybe that is the connection. Not between Jane and Jake, but between her and the other women", Jenny added. "That she is a married woman with whom he is having an affair with."

"_That is it!_", Ziva exclaimed. _"You have to get in there, now! I thought I had seen the lingerie-brand before and I had. At the pictures of the crime scene you can see that Fiona has a gift-bag on her floor. I bet that she had just gotten a new set of lingerie from Hamilton. And do you remember why we brought Hamilton in on the Amanda Hill case? We discovered that her underwear was bought the same day as she was murdered in an exclusive little shop – the same shop you just visited. We pulled their security-tape and saw Hamilton buying the exact set!"_

"Why didn't you nail him?" Jenny asked as she ran up the stairs, following Tony who was going "shit, shit, shit", making it sound almost like a mantra.

"_He proclaimed that he had forgotten it in the underground, and his girlfriend told us the same story. That he had returned home that evening mad at himself for losing her birthday-gift. Five other people had bought the same set, so he was not the only suspect and we could not keep him"._

Tony and Jenny came to a halt in front of the door.

"One, two" Tony counted. "Three", he said kicking in the door, running into the apartment with Jenny hot in his heels.

"N.C.I.S!" They both shouted as they moved into the bedroom.

As predicted Hamilton and the woman was going at it. However the kick in of the door had disturbed them, and when Jenny and Tony entered the bedroom, Hamilton rolled of his lover and jumped to the floor in all his naked glory. Jenny would have laughed at the scene, if the situation had been less critical.

"Turn around", Jenny said to Hamilton, who was looking both confused and angry. She inched closer so she could cuff him as she but her gun back in its holster.

"What the fuck is going on?" The poor woman on the bed cried, catching both of the agents' attention.

Hamilton used the split-second Jenny looked at the woman to his advantage and grabbed her around her neck. His intention had been to grab the ice pick from beneath the madras, but before he had a chance to do so, Jenny elbowed him hard in the stomach.

The moment he crumbled forward and released his hold on her, Jenny took a step back. Balancing mainly on her left leg, she turned around and kicked him on the neck, her foot causing him to bend forward. When her right foot reached the floor, she did a quick turn and then her left leg came down on his back. Hard.

Hamilton fell to the floor, his stomach and head being the firsts too collide with the floor.

Jenny quickly put him in handcuffs, "Jack Hamilton, you're under arrest for the murders of Fiona Lane and Amanda Hill."

In the meantime, Tony had ushered the woman out and straight into the arms of the police, who had just arrived.

Jenny turned to Tony in astonishment, instantly forgetting all about the guy on floor. "Did you see that?" she asked amazed. "I just kicked his ass with some ninja-karate-moves!" she exclaimed.

Tony looked puzzled at her, "and you had no idea…"

"That I could do that? No! I was never _this _good at fighting. Did you see my legs??!" Jenny was looking incredulous down at her herself. This kicking-thing was definitely new, but she liked it.

She heard a chuckle in her ear.

"_It is good to see that you have not forgotten our training-sessions."_ Ziva David grinned.

* * *

The team had gathered in the bull-pen to pack their stuff. Hamilton had been picked up by the police, who had now taken over, and Jenny and Tony had gotten a ride back to headquarter. Abby had joined the guys upstairs to hear about Jenny's first day back, before everybody called it a day.

"I can't believe we walked in on two people having sex", Tony whined again, still in a tiny bit of shock.

"That's your first time?"

"It isn't yours?" He asked in horror.

Jenny shot a sly glare at Jethro. No, you couldn't say it was.

Ziva noticed the gaze. "Who did you happen to walk in on?" she asked mischievously.

Jenny raised an eyebrow, silently questioning Gibbs if it was okay to tell the story, and at the same time also daring him to stop her. He rolled his eyes in reply.

Not sure how to interpret that, Jenny answer. "Gibbs and Diane".

"WHAT?" Tony exclaimed his eyes wide in shock, while McGee was doing his best imitation of a goldfish and Ziva was trying to stifle a big, belly-laugh.

Jenny bit her lower lip, pretending to be embarrassed. The story had been commonly known back in the days. Everybody had heard the tale of the probie, who had walked in on her boss and his wife and still lived to tell the story.

"Well, it actually started when Gibbs interrupted my date", she began. "I'd switch my cell-phone off for an hour to have some peace and quiet with this guy, when Gibbs marched in at the restaurant quoting rule #3 at me."

"Never be unreachable", the team remarked in unison.

Jenny grinned. "Exactly! I wasn't even on call, but apparently since I was still a probie, I had to be ready for everything."

She looked at Jethro, who was grinning, clearly recalling the event.

"Anyway, I was pissed to put it mildly. So when the next day Gibbs doesn't answer his cell-phone after 7 attempts, I don't hesitate before driving to his place. I pretty much barge in without knocking, yelling something about _unreachable _and _asshole_. I am so caught up in my little fit that I don't notice that trail of clothes leading to the living room. I just stride in, and suddenly I have front row tickets to the Gibbs and Diane-show."

By now the whole team was laughing out loud, their stomachs cramping from trying to picture Gibbs' face when Jenny had entered screaming like a harpy. Jethro smiled as well, after he and Jen had gotten together this had become one of their more funny memories from their time as partners. Still he had never told Jenny why had had turned off his phone on that particular day. Diane and him had been going through a rough, sex-less, 2 month long period in their marriage at that point. On that very morning they had been at a crime scene which had consisted of a lake. Somehow his new protégé had manages to fall into said lake, and when he had arrived Jenny had been cursing worse than a sailor with her red hair clinging to her face and her white shirt clinging to her chest. He could still remember how sexy and absolutely fuck-able she'd looked right in that moment, with anger rolling out in waves from her body and wearing a see-through top. That afternoon, the sex between him and Diane had come easily, and it would've been great hadn't Jenny interrupted. But of course the agent in question knew nothing of this story, she just though that her boss and later lover had been slacking on the rules.

"Okay, enough story-telling for one day", he said.

Jenny grinned. "So what do we do now?"

"Sleep", Ziva responded.

"Go home", McGee answered.

"Watch a move", Tony replied.

Jenny looked oddly at them. "Ok, let me rephrase that. Let's go to O'Brien and celebrate that we caught the bad guy and that this is my first day back".

* * *

**AN**: Okay, I can't exactly remember what Jenny's panties looked liked in Brothers In Arms (4x21) so it's mostly a guess. Hope you liked it, and remember reviews are good for the muse!


	6. Party Time

**Chapter 6 – Party Time**

**AN: A NEW CHAPTER! Once again I'm soo sorry about the time between updates! Life has been incredibly hectic these past months, but I'm slowly establishing some kind of routine in my life. Anyway, I AM going to finish this story, mostly because I have a scene in mind for later which was actually the reason I began writing this story at all… Anyway, if anybody is still following, hope you'll enjoy :)**

**And remember: reviews are like chocolate, you can never get enough!**

"Tom!" Jenny exclaimed happily as she entered the bar that had once been their regular.

The bartender looked up from the glass he was polishing and studied the woman in front of him. A few seconds passed and then he blinked uncontrollably not sure if he could trust his eyes. "Jenny?", Tom asked in disbelief.

"Hi", she said and then added as an afterthought, "You look like you've seen a ghost?"

"Can you blame me?" he asked, "Haven't seen you for almost ten years." Tom went around the desk to give her a brief hug.

Her eyes widened in shock, "Really?"

He nodded in affirmation. "Yup, last time I saw you, you were completely wasted rambling about 'stupid wedding', 'wanting to castrate every male you saw' and 'own damn fault'", he said with a smile on his lips recalling the incident. "But I wouldn't be surprised if you don't remember", he hinted. That night was still the night he brought in the biggest amount of money in the bar's history, mostly due to Jenny's need to buy a round for the whole pub every fifteen minute.

Jenny gave him a bright smile. "Can't say I do. But if I ordered the usual would you be able to remember?"

Tom chuckled, "I always remember when a lady drinks that kind of stuff. One bourbon coming up!"

"Make it two", Gibbs said seating himself in one of the barstools, Jenny following suit as the others place their orders.

"So," Jenny started. "To go back to what we talked about earlier, how is your _lovely_ ex-wife?"

He smirked. "She's now Fornell's _lovely_ ex-wife".

"What?" Jenny turned sharply in her chair to face him.

Her lips slowly curled into a grin resembling a cat that had just cornered the mouse. "Say that again?"

"She married Fornell"

Jenny broke into a big, belly laugh. "She… He marri…", she staggered through her sentence as she was trying to catch her breath. "They got married!" she finally exclaimed breaking into a new laughing-fit. Tears were leaking from her eyes, and her stomach was cramping, but it was oh-so worth it. It was no less than hilarious.

"Fornell and Diane, who would have though it?" she asked him, now controllably giggling, clutching her hurting stomach.

"Not me", Gibbs answered, "tried to warn the man, but he was in way too deep".

"What an idiot", Jenny said still unable to remove the smile from her face. "Did she rip him off?"

"Oh yeah, but at least he got a daughter out of it".

"Diane pro-created? Hopefully Fornell will be the biggest genetic influence". She caught Gibbs glaring and realized she'd gone too far. Sending him an apologizing smile she mumbled, "Too far, I know, I just really don't like that woman".

"Pretty sure the feeling is mutual", he grinned which in turn made Jenny grin.

She shook her head in disbelief, "still can't believe they got together". After a few moments she suddenly realized something. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Did you marry again?"

He looked at his drink and nodded. "Once, back in 2000".

"Did I know her?"

He smiled a bit embarrassed, "Stephanie Flynn".

Jenny held her lower lip captive by her teeth and searched her brain for the name. Gibbs couldn't help, but think how absolutely adorable she looked- which knowing Jenny wasn't something he should say out loud. The woman had never liked being _cute_ or _endearing_, those words were only for pets or babies she said, but Gibbs strongly disagreed. Sitting like that, oblivious to the world, doing some heavy thinking was extremely cute – not to mention very sexy.

"Wait, wasn't she the redhead at the Christmas-party, the one who shamelessly flirted with you?"

Gibbs squirmed uncomfortable in his seat. "That's the one".

Jenny raised an eyebrow. She was about to grill him some more, when she remembered – she was the one who left him. For reasons still unknown to her, she'd chosen to leave this man, so of course he had every right to marry again, because she had absolutely no say over him. But damn it if she didn't hate it. So Jenny just shrugged, "Well, at least she seemed better than Diane", she replied through a somewhat forced smile.

Gibbs chuckled and just shook his head.

The team had been discussing Agent Lagger's new girlfriend, intentionally trying to give Shepard and Gibbs some space, when a very, _very _drunk man stumbled into the bar yelling at the top of his lungs, "LET'S HAVE A PAAAARTY!"

He was closely followed by another nine tuxedo-wearing guys that were just as intoxicated as him. Their ties were loosened up, the shirts a bit crumbled and it was only a little after 8.

Ziva and Jenny glanced at each other both wearing a mischievous smile. "Bachelor party," they said in unison.

"I want 20 shots of whatever you have!" the first guy bellowed over the bar.

"No no", another dude came up behind, "I wan zhis", he pointed a something in the drinks-card, "noh wait." His eyes slurred over the text, impatiently trying to make sense of the jumping letters. "Zhat one", he pointed proudly at the Long Island Ice Tea.

Tom turned to Jenny and raised an eyebrow, "still know how to make one?"

"Something things you never forget Tom and mixing a Long Island Ice Tea is definitely one of them"

He smiled, "what are you waiting for then?"

Jenny happily jumped out of her seat and went behind the bar. "Just like the old days", she said. Back in the 90's she'd used to help Tom on Friday evenings just for the fun of it. The place had been highly popular among the NCIS-people and the Marines, which in turn had made it rather difficult for Tom to keep up with the flow of alcohol requests. Jenny had offered to help for free and soon they'd established a nice routine.

She grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head to the great confusion but absolutely enjoyment for the men, leaving her in a black tank-top.

Ziva questioningly raised an eyebrow.

"Don't want to spill on that shirt", Jenny replied indicating to the shirt she'd just hide in some drawer. "It's white and a Donna Karen", she added and then her eyes widened. "You should see my closet! It's crazy. I have a huge amount of cloths, and _a lot_ of it is by notable designers." She shook her head. "It's crazy", she repeated in almost a whisper.

Ziva noticed how Jenny's eyes got distant and her speech volume lowered. Something was definitely wrong. She considered pushing the subject of whatever was bothering Jenny further, but the look of sadness and distance disappeared as soon as it had crossed her face. Ziva stole a quick glance at Gibbs to see if he had noticed anything, only to find him in a conversation with Tony. She looked back at Jenny who was now searching for all the liquor used in the drink. A smile of success emerged on her face as she pulled down the Bombay Sapphire from the shelf. Upon noticing Zivas eyes on her, she sent her a testing smile.

Ziva smiled back and mentally shook her head in attempt to get rid of her train of thoughts. Jenny looked happy in that moment and she saw no reason to ruin her night out with speculations about her well-being. She could always ask if she became aware of something again.

Her eyes were glued to Jenny, alongside every single straight male in the small pub, as she practically danced behind the bar while mixing the drink. Her hips were bouncing to the music, following the beat of Shakira's "Hips Don't lie" as they swayed from side to side and an occasional up and down. She carefully placed the drink on the bar with a big smile. "There you go", she announced proudly as the guy carefully studied the pink umbrella, green straw and the lemon slice that accompanied the drink itself.

He gave a skeptically glance at Jenny before he took a sip. Then his face light up, "Zhis is awesome!" He exclaimed, sounding rather shocked to Jenny's great annoyance.

Instead of putting her fuming thoughts into words, she turned to the others, only to come face-to-face with Gibbs, who was staring so intently at her as if she was a riddle he couldn't solve. Slightly uncomfortable Jenny returned the gaze, open her eyes a little wider than normal in a mocking gesture, silently asking _what_?

A small smile appeared and vanished so quickly on her old partner's face that for a second she wondered if it had all been in her head. For something shorter than a second, she had been able, for the first time since the coma, to see him look at her with emotions that had a close resembling to joy, acceptance, and respect, and maybe even lo... No she was just fooling herself, her eyes deceiving her mind into seeing something that wasn't there. Shaking her head to get rid of her thoughts, she started mixing another drink for herself.

"How come I didn't know you had mad bar-skills?" Abby asked, just as Jenny was about to pour some grenadine in her Tequila Sunrise.

"Well, did you ask?" Jenny's tone wasn't condescending at all, merely curios because _everybody_ back in the days knew she worked almost every Friday-night with Tom.

Abby squirmed a bit in her stool. "No…", she said thoughtfully. Jenny raised an eyebrow, saying without words_, there is your answer. _"But," Abby continued, "still. I got mad bar-skills. We could be like the Drinking-Duo… well, more like the Drink-making-duo, since we don't actually drink the drinks ourselves. Not that I don't drink, because I do… but not addictively or anything, just an occasional drink, you know.. or maybe you don't?..."

"Abby", Jenny gently interrupted. "Why don't you join my on side of the bar," she gestured behind the desk, " and show me some of your moves".

The forensic scientist eyes widened, before she in one resolute movement leap out of her high chair and behind the counter. "This.", she said starring at Jenny, "is totally wicked".

Jenny smiled – who wouldn't, coming face to face with such happiness. Abby was probably the most positive human being Jenny had encountered in her life (as far as she was aware of at the moment). Never had she seen anybody appreciated all the small things in life the way Abby did.

An hour quickly passed by, Jenny and Abby were mixing drinks in all sorts of colors and variety, while Tom had spent a better part of the time catching up with Gibbs and telling old tales to Tony, Tim and Ziva. The bachelor party had lifted the spirit in the usually quite pub, and during the past hour people passing by had joined the party, turning the left corner of the bar into a good resembling of a dance floor.

As the party had heated up, so had the request of alcohol and more than a few of the people in the bar were way past the 'I'm-driving-home'-state. One of the guys from the bachelor party seated himself in an empty stool in front of Jenny.

"Hello. I'm doing a study of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines. You can chose between, "Do you come here often?" "What's your sign?" or "Hello. I'm doing a study of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines"?" He said, surprisingly rather flawless even though alcohol practically oozed out of his every pore.

Jenny put on a fake smile, "thanks, but no thanks", she said somewhat politely.

"Baby..", the man started as the semi-charming smile disappeared from his face and a self-assured expression emerged, "you don't know what you're missin'. I know how to please a woman." He said self-importantly, leaning over the counter to touch her arm.

"Then _please_ leave me alone", Jenny answered as she removed her arm before he could make contact.

"Awe, come on", the man continued obviously not getting her point. "At least let me touch your hand, then I can tell my guys over there that I've touch an angle".

Jenny immediately laughed out loud that was probably the stupidest line she'd ever heard. "Sorry, put I don't swing that way."

"What? Sexy, successful male isn't your type?" The man on the other side of counter grinned, still showing no signs of retreading; instead it looked like he could keep this conversation or at least the pick-up lines going for hours.

The redhead sighed as she returned to the shots she was pouring. This was going to be one long evening, if she didn't get rid of the guy. She briefly wondered if she could convince the guy she was gay, Abby probably wouldn't mind if she passed her of as her girlfriend. Ultimately she decided against it. The man would most likely find it appealing, even though a true lesbian never would engage with a straight guy, and definitely not this particularly man. She could play the transvestite-card, but she doubted he would believe her. The burping/farting/be-as-unattractive-as-possible wouldn't do the job either since the man was way past the border of a certain standard. His level of intoxication would suggest that he'd be willing to jump everything with a pulse.

"Would you please leave my girlfriend alone?"

Jenny turned around in astonishment, only to see Tony looking threateningly at the man. She flashed a big smile, and DiNozzo quickly winked her.

"I'm sorry, didn't know she belonged to somebody". She was about to comment on his word-choice, but stopped herself. The man got out of the chair, but before he walked away he leaned over the counter, "but should you by any chance be…"

"Yada, yada", Tony grabbed the man in his collar, hauled him from the bar and gave him a decent shove toward the dance floor.

Jenny let out a deep breath, before her face lit up in a big smile of gratitude. "Thank you! That guy was unbelievable."

"Agent DiNozzo, Savior of Damsels-in-Distress, Last Living Gentleman, and part time Knight in Shining Armor, at your service", he said doing a slight bow, trademark smirk planted firmly on his face.

Jenny chuckled. "Really, thanks, I think that creep would have been bothering me all night, if you hadn't showed up".

"Don't mention it".

Jenny put a beer on the table. "On the house", she grinned. "That's the least I can do for the _last living gentleman"_

Tony grabbed the bottle and raised it in her direction, doing a silent salute, which Jenny responded in kind raising her bottle as well. She took a swing of the cold beer and smiled to herself as her savior turned around to join the others; she had just decided that she really liked Tony.

* * *

Jenny woke with groan, she had a splintering headache, and her stomach was doing weird flip-flops. She had a sweat and her eyes were itching from yesterday's mascara. Damn you beer, bourbon, and tequila… and vodka and … whiskey? Okay, no wonder she was feeling a little off, last night had gone from enjoying a simple celebrating beer to a full-throttle monkey party. Granted she had been home before 1 o'clock, but those hours spent in the pub had been more than enough time to consume a heavy amount of alcohol. She noticed the glass of water on her nightstand and eagerly downed it. It was in times like these she loved her responsible side that made sure she always put out a glass of water, before she practically passed out from fatigue on the bed. She checked the time: 10.27 A.M… 10.27, ten twenty-seven… what was wrong wi… SHIT! Shit, shit shit! She had an appointment with her hairdresser at 11 sharp. Aw Crap! She let out another groan before hauling herself off the bed and into a quick shower. Putting on some random cloths, she was out the door less than 15 minutes later.

Beep. Beep. Beeeep. BEEEEP. BEEEEP!

What was that annoying noise? Jenny tried to look around before she discovered her purse. Oh! Her phone. She had forgotten it sounded like that. Quickly pulling it out, she noticed the screen reading: Gibbs. What the…?

"Shepard"

"Don't let the phone ring that long the next time, I was about to hang up."

Jenny rubbed the spot between her eyes. She was not in the mood for this conversation.

"Body found in Anacostia Park, be there within 45 minutes."

"Wait what?"

"A bo-dy…" Gibbs started dragging out.

"I heard you very well the first time, but why is it my problem?"

"Daniels woke up sick this morning"

"And?"

"We got a case"

"But were not on-call, how can.."

"Everybody else is busy, and we're free"

"Just because you got nothing to do, doesn't mean the rest of us don't".

"Cranky much, Jen?"

"Hadn't had my coffee yet". She rolled her eyes, as she could practically feel him smirk at the other end of the phone. "I can't meet you there, but I'll be at the headquarter at 1400".

"Where are you?"

"None of your business. I'll see you later", with that she hung up and turned off her phone.

Her eyes met the hairdressers in the mirror. "My boss", Jenny explained.

"Oh, what do you do for a living?" The 20 something year old inquired with a bright smile.

"I work as a navy investigator. Solving crimes and all that"

The girl's eyes widened "That sounds fascinating", she exclaimed.

"Yeah, well not when you're hung over and have to go to work anyway, because you boss don't have a life and therefore wants to ruin yours." Okay, she definitely needed her coffee… and some aspirin if she had to get through the whole day.

**AN: The hairdresser scene may seem a bit out of place, but it'll be explained in the next chapter. It should be up sometimes next week, since I'm half-way done with it! **

**Have a great weekend, people! **


	7. Who Am I Now?

**Chapter 7 – Who Am I Now?**

**AN: Thank you so much for the nice reviews, they really made me smile, and they got me working faster *hint, hint* ;)**

**So here is the next chapter, enjoy!**

The second day at home and her second day at work, Jenny shot a quick glance in the elevator mirror. The hairdresser had done more than a decent job, and her hair had become just the right color of red. Stepping out of the small metal box, she walked into the bullpen with a big smile. The coffee had lifted her spirit, the aspirin had won over her headache and the nauseate feeling had disappeared as soon as she'd gotten some food in her empty stomach; all in all she was feeling much better.

The team was gathered around the big screen, looking at the man named Kevin Flint, when she entered the bullpen.

"Hi", Jenny said announcing her presence as she dropped her bag on her desk.

Turning around Tony was the first to notice the color-change in her hair. "Nice hair", he commented.

Self-consciously Jenny twirled a red lock around her finger. "Thanks". After her appointment, she'd gone straight home and changed into some different cloths that actually matched in some way, and to put on some make-up. She had decided that going to the hairdresser without any make-up on was a bad idea, because for some reason you always looked like crap in their mirrors; she blamed the lightning – so when she'd been home, she had put on a layer of mascara just to make her feel better. The grey jeans were tugged into a pair of black feminine leather boots, and she was wearing a navy blue V-neck shirt, topping it off with a big, off-white, woolen scarf.

She caught Gibbs eyes as she sat down, she expected some kind of indication to the new hairstyle, but he merely looked back at the screen. Jenny smiled, some things never changed.

"So what do we know?"

"Jogger found the body in the bushes and called the cops at 10.13, they identified the man as Navy Lieutenant Kevin Flint specialized in computer, and therefore case was pasted on to us. The cause of death is still unknown but Ducky is working on it". Tony quickly rattled off.

"Okay. So what do I do?"

"Run a background check" Gibbs replied. Jenny nodded affirmatively.

The agents were about to return to their desks, when McGee asked, "so how was your second night back home? Did you have any interesting dreams?"

Everybody instantly stopped in their tracks and turned to stare at him; a second passed before McGee realized that his comment easily could be misinterpreted. Stumbling over the words, he managed to say, "No! No… no-no, not like that. It's just that the doctor said, you were more likely to regain memories while sleeping"

Jenny smirked, "no I don't think so. Well except…", she turned to looked at Tony with puzzlement in her eyes, "did we have sex?"

His expression was priceless, one of pure shock and then fear as he quickly glanced at Gibbs, who looked like somebody had punched him in the face. Hard.

"What?" Tony spluttered. "NO."

"Hmm," Jenny consciously bit her lower lip, attempting to look as if she was doing some heavy thinking. She shrugged, "guess it was just a fantasy then", she rationalized with a bright smile.

"WHAT?" Tony's voice raised several octaves, and his eyes practically felt out of his head.

Upon seeing his reaction, Jenny couldn't help but laugh. "Relax, I'm kidding. Don't suppose we kid about something like that?"

Tony viscously shook his head. "No".

Upon noticing his discomfort, Jenny tried to make amends. "I didn't mean to embarrass you. I was merely wondering what kind of relationship we shared, but obviously sex-jokes weren't part of our repertoire. I didn't mean…well… I don't even know why I am explaining this to you", she said with a somewhat embarrassed smile.

Tony took a quick glance around; Gibbs still looked like this was the most unbearable conversation he had ever had to listen to, and Ziva and Tim were both starring at their Director with wide eyes, not sure if they had heard correct. "To avoid the awkwardness of the moment?" he offered.

Jenny gave a low chuckle, "Tony with you there are no awkv… Wait a second we have had a conversation very similar to this before, right?" When Tony looked slightly clueless at her, Jenny continued. "You walked into my office, when I was just wearing a bra and…"

"What?" This time it was Gibbs' turn to interfere with the short word.

Jenny quickly turned to face him. "My bra-strap broke and Cynthia was trying to fix it, when Tony walked in." She looked back at Tony for confirmation.

He nodded. "Yeah, and we did have a conversation about awkwardness".

Shepard turned into a big smile. She had no idea why that memory had resurfaced, but at least it showed that she was moving in the right direction.

* * *

A few hours quickly passed by as Ducky searched for the cause of death, and everybody contributed to find the motive and a possible murderer.

"David, Shepard, go see if Abby found anything on the computer".

Both women immediately went to the elevator, but after just a second Ziva switched off the power, effectively stopping their ride down.

Jenny questioningly lifted an eyebrow, "did you learn that from Gibbs?"

Ziva merely smiled, before her facial expressions turned somber. "Are you okay?"

The respond came after a little too long hesitation. "I'm fine", she responded as she reached across David to turn the power back on.

Ziva swatted her hand away without second thoughts. "Really?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You changed your hair", Ziva stated.

Jenny looked puzzled at the woman in front of her. "And that is interesting because…?"

"You only change your hair when something is bugging you." The Israeli woman confidently responded. "What is wrong?"

The former director was shocked. She knew that they used to work together and that they, once upon a time, had been confidents, but this knowledge was more intimate than she'd imagined.

Ziva looked gently at her, patiently waiting for Jenny to answer the question, but when that didn't seem to be the case, she elaborated. "When I first met you, you were a brunette. Apparently the red hair reminded you of _things that are better left forgotten_". The last part was uttered as a quote. When Jenny did nothing to interfere, Ziva continued. "You also told me that when you dad died, you went from waist-length hair to just above the shoulders, and that you actually thought about chopping it all off." That part Jenny remembered – well, not the telling Ziva part, but the actually act of cutting it. "After you had been Director for a month, you cut your hair really short. I believe Tony referred to it as pixie-style."

A few seconds past, when Jenny said, "I was trying to appear in charge, and as if my gender had nothing to do with Morrow's decision?" The statement came out more as a question.

"I believe so, yes. You seemed very eager to establish yourself as the boss and as an authority figure".

"Do you know why I became blonde?" The riddle had been tormenting Jenny ever since she'd first laid eyes upon herself in a mirror. She'd always adored her red hair, and should it not be red, she'd preferred brown, so to see her reflection as somewhat blond had been confusing. That was why she'd booked a hairdresser appointment.

Ziva's eyes turned to look at the elevator doors. "I am not sure, but Gibbs was dating a blond woman at the same time".

"But he always dates redheads!" Jenny exclaimed.

"Apparently not anymore".

"You really think that is why I got blond highlights?" That seemed like a pretty silly thing to do, especially since they were not in a relationship and hadn't been for years.

Ziva nodded in confirmation. She had known the woman in front of her for almost 8 years, and she'd never once seen her do a drastic change to her hair without a good reason. Now, changing ones hair from slightly blond to a red that resembled her natural hair color perhaps wasn't considered among top 5 of drastic hair changes, but adding it to the vibe she had gotten from Jenny yesterday at the bar, Ziva felt strongly enough about the subject to press at little further, "and that is why I am asking you now, what is wrong?"

Jenny exhaled. "It's just… well… I don't know who I am anymore", she whispered in defeat, tears gathering in the eyes without falling. "I don't recognize the woman in the mirror; the hair, the cloths in my closet, all the paperwork in my study. I don't know that woman. She is not me!"

When she had returned home, she had thought all the memories would be rushing back as she was reunited with her old environment, but she had felt lost. Standing alone in the big house hadn't been very comforting, instead she'd felt out of place, as if she was intruding on someone else's private life. Yes she recognized the pictures, well most of them anyway, and nothing had been moved or anything, but still the overall atmosphere had changed. Especially her study, she hadn't really used it before and now it looked like she practically slept in the room. Also her amount and variety of cloths had changed, of course no one kept the same cloths for ten years, well okay somebody actually did, but not her, still the cloths in her closet look nothing like the stuff she used to wear; which was probably good since it would be hopelessly unfashionable, but the overall style was just so different. She couldn't see herself in it. And that was when she'd realized she didn't know the woman who lived in the house anymore. She couldn't remember the reasons for buying that particularly shirt, or why the picture frame on her nightstand now showed a picture of her and her dad instead of the one with her and Gibbs. All the life altering experiences were forgotten, and by that the reasons for all the changes in her life. Jenny had no idea what kind of woman Director Jenny Shepard was, because all the memories that made her who she was, was no longer there.

Ziva looked with empathy at her old friend, awkwardly placing a hand on her shoulder trying to comfort her without words, because she honestly had no idea of what would be appropriate to say. Jenny shot a slightly puzzled look at the woman who seemed to know her so well; she grabbed the hand on her shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze.

"I'll be alright. I just need some time to get used to the whole ordeal".

Ziva switched the power back on. "Just know you can always talk to me. I am your friend Jenny".

Jenny gave a small smile, "thank you, Ziva. I don't even know if I have any of those anymore, so that means a lot."

* * *

Abby had found no suspicious particles on the victim's cloth, which they had expected since the cold weather still made sure that people wore gloves, jackets and basically were covered from top to toe. She had begun her work on Flint's laptop, but it was harder than anticipated. His specializing in computer was very clear, everything had a password and they were extremely difficult to crack, so she'd been quick to send Ziva and Jenny back upstairs, so she could get back to work.

After talking with Abby, Jenny had ordered take-out for the whole gang. On the way back she'd passed by a beautiful old book-store with a big sale in the window. Her eyes widened when her brain processed the information the window gave her. This was too good to be true.

When Jenny returned, she practically ran to his table, placing all the take-out boxes on it as she excitedly exclaimed "did you know that _all_ the Harry Potter books have been written?"

Gibbs tipped his glasses forward, so they rested at the tip of his nose, pepping over the glass, he stared at her in incomprehension. Jenny stared back, and ten seconds slowly passed by as the former partners continued their starring-contest.

"Harry Potter?" Jenny finally said in a you-know-tone to see if it rang any bell.

Instead McGee inquired from the sideline, where the other three agents had observed the silent war. "You read Harry Potter?"

"Of course, it is one of the best books I've ever read."

"It is," McGee agreed with a nodded head. "I just didn't pick you as the type."

Putting a hand on her hips, she turned her upper body around, and a very sassy-looking Jenny Shepard asked, "really? What type did you pick me as Tim?" The use of his first name didn't go unnoticed.

"God luck saving that one", Tony commented.

Jenny's whole demeanor changed as she gave a chuckle. "Well I suppose, you're right. I probably wouldn't have read it if I'd seen it in a bookstore, though I do like the fantasy genre", she added. "But in the fall of 1997 we were doing an op in London and my mentor slash partner gave the first book to me as a birthday present. " She jerked her thumb at Gibbs.

He looked puzzled at her, "the one about the magic boy?"

"He is a wizard, but yes that is the one. Apparently all seven books have been written now, which means that when I get some time off I know what I'll be doing", she said with a bright smile.

"But enough talk about books, let's eat while it's still hot". She grabbed a box from the plastic bag and eagerly opened it; the nice smell of fried noodles engulfed her. Stuffing a gigantic piece into her month, practically swallowing it whole, she said. "This", pointing with the chopstick at the carton box in her hand, "is amazing."

Seeing her happy face, Gibbs remembered her taste in fried food. "Got mushrooms in it?" He inquired.

Jenny nodded enthusiastically, "Oh yeah…" She pondered his words for a couple of seconds. "Did we ever do this? You know, when I was Director?"

"You are the Director", he deadpanned.

She rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean. Do we still eat take-out from time to time, or how exactly is our relationship these days?" The bull-pen had gotten awfully quiet and Jenny suddenly remembered where she was. "You know what, never mind. Let's continue with the case".

Everybody gathered around the big screen, leaning against various tables as they gave into their deep hunger. Working without breaks was extremely tiring not to mention it made you insanely hungry.

"Okay, so to go over it again." Jenny hastily said, trying to outmaneuver the deep silence. "The victim is the 36 year old Navy Lt. Kevin Flint. He died from a brain aneurysm that ruptured, when the killer shoved him into a tree that caused the hit to the head. The murder was most likely an accident, unless the killer knew about the aneurysm which seems highly unlikely. Though," she turned to Gibbs, "we'll keep it in mind as we proceed."

He gave a slight nod and stuffed some noodles into his mouth. His mind was somewhere else. Mulling her words over in his head, he wondered how he defined their relationship these days. Friends? Coworkers? Boss/employ? He knew she'd ask again, of course she would, the total 180 degree turn in her life was bound to be confusing, and when she did he'd be prepared to explain what they were – except he didn't really know anymore. During the past 3 years their interaction had changed a lot, from colleges to friends who shared coffee and meals, but then he'd gone to Mexico and after that their interaction had consisted of arguments and fights, and now, well now he didn't know. He and Hollis had parted a few months ago, and he knew Jenny knew, at least that's how he understood the conversation between them, when she took care of Carson.

"But shoving people that hard directly into a tree is not an accident, which means that the murderer was probably blinded by strong emotions or he was intoxicated, when he attacked." Ziva concluded. "Or he intended to kill, and the brain aneurysm just speeded things up and made it easier for him."

"According to his friends, he didn't have any enemies", McGee added, "but one of them did mention something about a change in his behavior; he suspected an affair and thought Flint kept it a secret, because the guys had been mocking him for years about his taste in women."

"But what if it wasn't his idea to keep it a secret?" Tony inquired.

"What if it was the mystery woman's," Jenny finished their conclusion.

They all turned to look at Gibbs.

"We need more than that, David and DiNozzo see if he knew any involved women. McGee go help Abby with the computer, see if you can crack the code to his email and find anything useful. Either there is something important on that laptop or Kevin Flint is suffering from server paranoia. You", he pointed at Jenny, "with me. We'll go have a nice little chat with his friends".

**AN: Next chapter Jenny and Gibbs will also have a nice little chat about the state of their relationship. Hopefully I'll be able to keep updating once a week! **


	8. Of Talks and Chats

**Chapter 8 – Of Talks and Chats**

**AN:** **Thank you for all the wonderful reviews. You guys are the best! I know it's been two weeks, but to compensate this chapter is a little longer than usual. **

**Hope you enjoy! **

The silence in the car was awkward at best. None of them had uttered a single word since they'd left the building.

Desperate to break it, they both started simultaneously.

"I.."

"Jen.."

Jenny gave small laugh. "You go first", but when Gibbs kept his eyes on the road and remained silent, she added, "fine. I'll begin then. It's still very… difficult for me to be back", she settled on saying. "I'm not aware of what my relationship is with, well, any of you. I am getting there, but it takes time. I don't mean to embarrass you, but trying to make fun of the situation is one of the ways I am dealing with _this._" She stressed the last part out, while her hands move around in the air, indicating at everything and nothing at the same time. "And I know I might say and do things", the memory of yesterday's kiss was still very fresh in her mind, "that is out of line, but it's very difficult to adapt when I don't know where the line is."

She took a deep breath. They'd have to talk about their relationship – or lack of – sooner or later, and the presence was as good a time as any. "So now I'm asking you. Where is our imaginary line? What is our relationship like these days?"

Gibbs didn't know where to start, instead he breathed out her name, "Jen…"

"That doesn't sound so good"

"It's complicated", he offered.

Jenny chuckled. "I'd be surprised if it wasn't."

That made Gibbs smile.

"When you first came back, we were good. Joking, bickering, and sharing an occasional meal or a cup of coffee. You'd help with some of the cases, since you obviously realized who boring your new job was."

Jenny smirked, pretty sure that that wasn't why she'd helped out.

"All in all everything was good. Later that year I went into a coma, and you and Ducky discovered my past"

He waited a few seconds before he continued.

"After that I retired and went to Mexico".

"You retired?", Jenny sputtered. "Just like that?"

"Not just. It wasn't an easy decision, but life was…", he stopped not really knowing how to end that sentence.

"Yeah I know". And she really did. The past days had been difficult, she'd tried to seem as unfazed by the events as possible, but truth was it was hard. Hard being back not remembering the people around her, who seemed to know her so well, and hard being in the same and yet so changed environment. She could only imagine the pain he'd felt reliving his family's death - to her dealing with their broken relationship was troubling enough.

"When I came back, things had changed. You…" He trailed off, wondering how to properly phrase it, and when he couldn't think of anything, he said, "you had changed."

"How so?"

"You were obsessed with catching that arms dealer. You drank a lot. You didn't trust anyone, and spent a good amount of time lock up in that office of yours – or MTAC. You'd stare at pictures of him, or the people he worked with… Tony, he worked for you. On a special op that you didn't read me in on, and I didn't know existed until his cover was blown".

Her head spun around to stare at him; usually a blown cover equaled something bad had happened.

"We thought he died." Gibbs elaborated, while his eyes never strayed from the road. "His car exploded."

"What the…?"

Gibbs remained silent. He really didn't know who to explain all that had transpired. Instead he skipped a few beats.

"After that things were… strained".

"You were mad at me", she concluded.

"Among other things"

"Disappointed?" she offered.

He nodded. "As I said, things changed. The past year and a half has been bad, but during the past couple of months things have been looking better".

"That's good, right?"

He shrugged. "It was really bad."

She understood. Better from really bad, most definitely didn't mean that things were good. Jenny remained silent; she had no idea of what to say.

"It's moving in the right direction, but a lot of people were hurt because of your antics – not physically", he added, when he saw the look of horror on her face.

He didn't have time to explain that statement, and she wasn't sure she'd want to hear it, because they'd reached their destination.

After parking the car in front the friend's house, they made their way to the front door. A tall man, probably in his early thirties opened it.

"We're here to speak with Lt. Cameron", Gibbs held up his badge.

"That'd be me"

"We want to ask you a couple of questions about Lt. Flint"

The man nodded in understanding, "I'll answer every single one if you'd think it'll help"

"When you talked to Agent McGee, you seemed to believe that Lt. Flint was in a sexual relationship." Jenny began. "Why is that?"

"I don't know whether it was sexual, but I'd noticed a slight change in his behavior. He'd no longer join us for a drink; he'd skip some of the soccer practice. Small things. He seemed to be occupied with something or someone else."

"And why do you assume that it was a someone?"

Cameron chuckled, but it sounded hollow and regretful. "He… Most guys date a certain type and his was very different from ours, and we'd occasionally tease him about it. I figured he just didn't want to tell us, before it was serious."

"What type?" Gibbs inquired.

"The old type. Kevin liked older women. He usually dated women old enough to be his mom." Cameron explained.

Gibbs and Jenny shared a look. That would narrow down the search.

"If he was in a relationship, do you know where he could have gotten in contact with the woman?"

The lieutenant shrugged. "Haven't got a clue".

Jen nodded. "OK, but if something should come to mind, then please call the number Agent McGee provided you with."

"Of course, as I said, I'll do anything to catch the scumbag who did this!"

* * *

"You and Jenny seem very chummy", Ziva remarked as her and Tony searched for a mystery woman.

"Yeah, Jenny is pretty cool. Well, she has always been cool", he added to make the statement sound better, "but now it's different."

"She is very much like she used to be", Ziva concluded. "It is impossible to be in charge of people and at the same time befriend them". The female agent looked down. Ever since Jenny's car accident, Ziva had realized just how much that statement described her and Jenny. They had kept their friendship intact during the first couple of months, but slowly the gap between them had grown. The more involved Ziva became with the team, the less time she spent with Jenny. Sure they remained friends, but the level of closeness and understanding between them had faded, and looking back Ziva regretted the complete lack of trying to keep it. They had slowly, but steadily, drifted apart, and none of them had tried to prevent it, both of them too wrapped up in their own lives. "It is lonely at the mountain."

"Top, Ziva, not mountain, just the top."

She smiled at his correction. "But the top is a top of a mountain, is it not?"

Tony pondered her words for a few seconds. "More like a pyramid", he then informed. "The boss is at the top by herself, and beneath her is all the workers, but since there are so many of them, they aren't alone."

Noticing the nostalgic look upon Ziva's face, Tony softly asked. "What was she like when you worked with her?"

Ziva eyes sparkled as she remembered a younger Jenny. "She was funny, adventurous, enthusiastic about everything she did, and at the same time very ambitious and determined." The smile faded, "and she was troubled, sad, and running from things I still have not uncovered." She looked horrified at Tony, instantly knowing that she had said too much, but the last words had just flooded right out of her mouth.

He stared at her as well. The silence was broken by the shrill of Tony's phone. "DiNozzo"

Gibbs barked out orders on the other side. "Okay, boss". The agent hung up, and returned his look to Ziva. "We have to change the search-criteria", he said effectively stopping the conversation from developing.

* * *

"Why would anyone date someone who is 20 years their senior?" Tony wondered out loud.

"Love is blind!" Jenny proclaimed, battering her eyelashes looking every bit like a woman in love with the in-love concept. "It has no limits; neither age nor distance can prevent it. True love prevails and overcomes all obstacles." She grinned.

"Actually", Ziva inquired, "it is very common for women to date younger men. I believe it is called a puma."

"Cougar"

"Exactly! That is what I said", Ziva exclaimed in agreement.

"You said Puma" Tony replied.

"Is it not the same thing?"

Jenny interfered before Tony could argue back, "It is also very common for women to date older men, or for older men to date younger women, depending on how you look at it." She stole a quick glance at Gibbs' empty desk; he was currently in Abby's lab.

Tony raised an eyebrow.

"13 years", Jenny said, answering his unspoken question.

This time both his eyebrows went all the way up to his hairline. Ziva chuckled at his expression, 13 years was nothing compared to a lot of other relationship.

Jenny was doing an excellent imitation of the Cheshire Cat. "If I should date the person closest to my own age, I'd be dating you Agent DiNozzo, since there is only 7 years between us".

Deciding to do a 180 degree turn in topic just in case Gibbs would work his magic and appear out of nowhere, Tony said. "Why exactly do you know my age, Shepard?" Still in doubt whether to call her Director or Agent.

His boss kept smirking. "I have to know who I am working with. For all I knew you could've been a total psychopath – still could, I guess, just because it's not in your file."

Tony stared at her for a few seconds then shrugged. "I still can't understand what he sees – physically – in a woman so much older". Realizing what it could be interpreted as, he quickly continued. "It's not that women in their fifties and sixties and so on aren't beautiful, they are still very pretty", he assured, "but why skip past when they are 30 and up? I mean, he will be in his best age soon enough, why jump ahead?"

Jenny chuckled at his explanation, but she though she understood. "I think I'll freak, when I hit fifty", she confessed. "I know getting older is natural and all that, and it's not like I'll retort to Botox or anything, but still…", she trailed off. "Getting used to my 10 years older self is hard enough", she finished.

Just remembering Jenny said, "That reminds me, I have some weird-looking scars I don't remember getting." She pointed to the back of her thigh. "Small rings – looks like cigarette burns, and" her hand moved up her side stopping just beneath her armpit, "some long, thin ones here. I really wish I knew how I got them."

"Believe me when I say, you do not want to remember." A shadow had fallen upon Ziva's face, and her arms had become darker than usual.

Jenny stared at her in surprise, "you know?"

Just then the elevator ding'ed and Gibbs entered. Jenny eyes quickly flickered to his form before settling once again upon Ziva. The agent in question nodded.

A flash ran across Jenny's inner eye. She was about to be stabbed from behind, when Ziva ran in between herself and the attacker, so the blade buried itself deep into her shoulder. She remembered the piercing scream leaving Ziva as she pulled out the knife and in one swift move sliced the man's throat. And she remembered the capturing.

"Torture," Jenny stated.

Ziva nodded in affirmation. "For your sake, I hope you will never recall those memories".

Jenny kept staring at Ziva with a mixture of awe and shock.

"What?"

"You saved my life." She had finally sorted out the memories. "You interfered and the knife", she whispered, her mind going somewhere else as she recalled what she'd just remembered, "it hit you right here". She gestured to a point near her shoulder blade.

Ziva offered a weak smile. "That is a very long time ago".

Tony and Gibbs had silently observed the exchange, and while Gibbs knew that Ziva had saved Jenny's life back when they worked together in Cairo, Tony had no idea. He was shocked to put it mildly. He was aware that Ziva and Jenny had worked together, and he knew they had a relationship that treaded the fine line between coworkers and friends, but never in a million years would he have imagined that torture had been a part of their bonding session. What really got to him though was the way Ziva was looking. Her eyes were so full of melancholy and genuine sadness, and he knew it wasn't because of what she'd been through, but rather because _Jenny_ had been through it. Once again he was reminded of the fact that her life was so much different from his, she'd seen and experienced more than most people would in a lifetime. He suddenly wanted to protect her from all the bad things in the world, which he of course knew was an absurd idea; firstly because it'd be impossible and secondly because Ziva would kick his ass if he tried. However, he still felt that desperate urge to shield her from further pain in her life.

* * *

Much, much later the team was sent home, and at 2300 Jenny was finally ready to hit the sheets. The peace and quiet didn't last long, and ten minutes before her clock would hit the 06.00 mark her phone started ringing.

Waking from her sleep, she grabbed the phone and unceremoniously pressed it to her ear as she grumbled out a, "Shepard".

"Abby cracked the password. Looks like Lt. Cameron was right. There is an e-mail exchange between Flint and somebody signed Rose. Abby is tracking down the IP-address."

She hung up without answering. Stumbling out the bed, she took a quick shower and was off to work only fifteen minutes after she'd received the call.

Stepping inside the bull-pen, she noticed DiNozzo and Gibbs were getting ready to leave.

"Abby tracked it down, I guess?"

"It belonged to ms Rose Grey. A widow living in the same neighborhood as Lt. Flint", Tony kept grinning.

She could see from his eager face that there was more to it. "Spit it out before it gags you"

"She is 61!"

Jenny chuckled at his exclamation, "but if she's a widow then the jealous husband is out of the picture".

Gibbs nodded. "We'll talk to her. Stay here for when Ziva shows for up, and then do a deeper background search." He walked to the elevator, and Tony scrambled after with his backpack high on the back.

Jenny smiled; DiNozzo's enthusiasm for talking to a woman who'd been in a relationship with a man 25 years younger was remarkable.

* * *

"Special Agent Gibbs, and Special Agent DiNozzo", Gibbs said as a woman – most like Rose Grey – opened the door.

"I hope we aren't interuptning you breakfast, but we'd like to talk to Ms. Grey"

The woman eyes became round and big as the corners slowly gathered water. "Is this about Kevin?"

"What do you mean, miss?"

She sniffled, but did her best to keep her composure, "he was supposed to meet me yesterday evening, but he never showed up". She looked at them with sadness in her eyes, willing them to say something other than the worst possible scenario.

"I'm sorry to inform you that Lt. Flint was found dead yesterday morning", Gibbs solemnly said.

Even though you couldn't hear anything break, it was easy to see that something broke inside the woman. She didn't start screaming or crying hysterically, instead a lone tear ran down her cheek as she put her arms around her stomach hugging herself. "I knew it", she whispered. "I could feel something was wrong, right here," she placed a hand over her heart. Miss Grey swallowed the big lump that had formed in her throat.

Tony was about to ask further questions, when a man in his late thirties appear in the doorway. ´

"Mom?" He questioned shooting a confused looked at the agents on the front porch, "what's going on?"

She immediately turned around, and her son enveloped her in bear hug. Gibbs flashed his badge again. "Can we come in?"

"Of course"

The man led the three people inside the house into the living room. Seating his mother on the couch, he said, "I'll just go make some tea."

Ms. Grey dabbed her eyes with her sleeve, and looked at the two men in front of her. "That's my son Derek, he has been here since Friday. It was my intention to introduce him to Kevin this weekend." At the mention of her lover's name, she gave a noiseless sob. "What happened to him?"

"He was found dead in Anacostia Park Saturday morning."

She gulped, "murdered?"

"It would seem so, yes", Tony answered.

Ms Grey was having a hard time trying to appear as strong as she wanted to. She took a couple of very big breaths, trying to get her breathing under control.

The son appeared again, "what is this about?" He looked confused around, before his eyes settled on his mother taking in her sorrowful look.

A hiccupped escaped the older woman's lips. "Remember I wanted you to meet Kevin this weekend?" Derek nodded. "Well, he…" a sob took over before the words could escape her lips, and tears cascaded down her cheeks.

"I've to ask you," Tony said, "where were you Friday evening and Saturday morning?"

She nodded in understanding, desperately trying to make the tears go away. "Kevin came around 8 o'clock. We ate dinner, and around ten?" she looked for confirmation on the time. "I went to bed, and Kevin met up with some friends at a bar. Which one was it?"

"The Stone"

"I woke him up around 10 AM yesterday. We had breakfast, and the when paint-shopping because I'm about to redecorate my house." She finished with a sniffle, gracefully accepting a Kleenex from her son.

"Anybody who can verify you were there?" Tony asked Derek.

"Yeah, there were a lot of people in the bar"

"What about your friend?"

"He never showed. He'd some car troubles, so I just drank a beer and went home".

"But you weren't home until 3 AM" Ms. Grey looked questioningly at him.

"You were awake?" He asked surprised.

She nodded, "like I said", she looked at Gibbs. "I had that horrible gut-feeling. Couldn't fall asleep."

"Well, I'm fine, mom"

She looked horrified at him, "but Kevin isn't".

"Well, maybe it's for the best", the son tried. "He was way too young for you anyway."

"I never told you his age!"

"Mom, you told me his name. I googled him", he explained in a calm voice.

"Kevin was a good man. I didn't care about his age, and he didn't care about mine. We loved each other"

"Please, he was most likely trying to get all the money dad left you. He was 36!" Derek exclaimed in frustration.

Ms. Grey face fell. "Why would you say something so cruel?" Something clicked inside her brain, and she scooted down the couch further away from her son. "What did you do?" her voice trembled and she looked terrified.

"Nothing! I didn't do anything."

"Derek…"

"I just met the man to have a few words with him that's all."

"Derek!" She gasped.

"I told him to stay away. That guy was freak."

"How could you? I love him", she exclaimed. The tears were flowing freely, and she had trouble catching her breath.

DiNozzo and Gibbs just let the scene unfolded; both of them had a pretty good grasp of how things had gone down.

"He was younger than ME, mom!" The son yelling in frustration, "it was unnatural. Gross! What do you think dad would've said, if he knew you dated somebody YOUNGER THAN YOUR OWN SON?"

"Please tell me you didn't do it," she pleaded in a voice barely above a whisper.

The son's anger faded like a punctured balloon, his eyes became distant as he whispered. "I was angry, so I went to the bar and had a few beers, and then I called him up. Got his number from your phone."

"Stop it… I don't.. just stop" She whispered.

Derek didn't seem to hear her; he looked confused from Gibbs, to Tony to his mom. "I didn't mean to. We were arguing and yelling at each other. I got angry and shoved him up a tree, and he just went limp. Right there in my arms." He whispered with a hollow voice.

He looked pleadingly at his mother, "I swear I didn't mean to. It wasn't that hard! He just, just.. Stopped breathing." Tears were now running down his cheeks as well. The man was far from a murder, and though he had told himself not to say anything, the reality of what had happened came crashing down. A man was dead.

"He had a brain aneurism", Gibbs informed. Both mother and son turned to look at him, "when his head hit the tree, it ruptured and he died instantly."

Derek looked like a lost little boy as he stood in the living room, his whole body shivering from the memories of the dead man in his arms, and uncontrollable sobs wrecked through him as if he for the first time realized what had happened. His mother was curled up in the far end of the couch, hugging a pillow into her chest. She was out of tears, but was painfully trying to get her body under control, though it was an impossible task.

It was in times like these Tony hated his job. The man obviously intended to beat up his mother's lover, but there was a big leap between punching somebody and killing them. The jury would most likely understand that as well, and give Derek a mild sentence. But none of it would bring Kevin Flint back and nothing would ever repair the damage done to the relationship between mother and son.

Yeah, sometimes this job really sucked.

**AN: There we have it. Reviews are (as always) very appreciated. **

**FYI: I have no idea how old the characters are supposed to be, so I used the actors age. But I made Tony a couple of years younger than Michael Weatherly, so instead of being 40 he is 37, a little closer to Ziva and a little further from Jenny. **

**Next Chapter: Does Tony still blame Jenny for everything that happened with The Frog and Jeanne? What is Shepard's relation to Senator Sommer? And what exactly does Gibbs think about Jenny being the Director?**

**Turn in next time to find out!**


	9. Confessions of a Guilty Mind

**Chapter 9 – Confessions of a guilty mind**

**AN: A big thanks to all of you who took the time to review, you guys rock! **

**This is one of the longer ones, and I thought about dividing it into two chapters, but I figured it worked better as one. Enjoy! **

When Tony and Gibbs got back after being done with all the paperwork at the station, all the others had already left. Gathering their stuff, they both prepared to call it a night.

Their eyes caught the paper, folded on the middle so it was standing up, on Jenny's table.

_Good work guys! :)_

Gibbs snorted, Jenny was the only person who would leave a little pep note to them. He noticed Tony reading it as well. He remembered his earlier conversation with Jen, and how he had never gotten around to explain to her, what he meant by _hurting_ people.

"Do you still blame her?"

He didn't need to elaborate the question; they both knew who he meant.

"Sometimes", DiNozzo answered truthfully. "But time has given me some perspective. She asked a couple of times, if I was sure I could handle it." He looked at Gibbs, "and I said I could. So I can blame her all I want, but she did give me an out."

"But you wanted to prove yourself", Gibbs concluded.

Tony nodded with a thoughtful expression on his face. "I knew the op meant a lot to her, and I wanted her to know that she could trust me". He stared at his shoes as if they were suddenly the most interesting things in the bull-pen. "I'm sorry, boss. I should've told you."

"Stop apologizing, you were following orders."

Tony shook his head, "doesn't make it any better."

"She's your boss."

DiNozzo looked at Gibbs, "I didn't do it because she's my boss." A few seconds passed in silence.

"She invited me for dinner", Tony suddenly blurted out. "A couple of weeks after you left, she asked me to join her for some of Noemi's cooking", he clarified. "I thought maybe she was lonely, since you know, you had gone to Mexico."

Gibbs remained neutral, mostly because he didn't know how to react to the news, so instead he opted for no reaction at all.

"We talked, and… it was fun", he said. "She told me stories about her time both as an agent and as the Director, and I told her about some of the cases, we had before she came along. We also discussed our current case, since the team and I had hit a brick wall."

He paused again, unsure if he should be telling all this to Gibbs. After a moment he continued, he had started the tale, so he might as well finish it.

"She told me about the undercover mission – wanted to know if I'd be interested in it. She provided as much details as she could without giving too much away, but I got the basic; get close to an arms dealers daughter. I was honored", he confessed. "And I didn't hesitate to accept, because I wanted to make her proud".

"I learned different sides of her, and I was impressed", Tony admitted in a low voice. "I had always respected her as my boss, but now… I saw her in a different light, and I started respecting her as a woman… a person? Human-being", he settled on saying.

"We connected; I guess you would call it. I started calling her Jenny, asked her for advice on different things." At that Gibbs quirked an eyebrow, Tony noticed and answered his un-asked question. "She told me about her regrets, and that even though professional accomplishment were great, it sometimes wasn't worth the sacrifice. Her career had always been on a fast track, and she said that she sometimes wished she'd made different choices." At Gibbs dumbfound expression, he quickly added, "She offered me a promotion, that's why we talk about it… But then everything suddenly ended, which of course was to be expected since it was an op, except I didn't expect it. I made a probie-mistake. So yeah," Tony concluded. "Sometimes I do blame her, but most of the time I blame myself." He snorted, "Pretty long answer to a pretty simple question".

"It wasn't simple, and I appreciate the answer", Gibbs replied with honesty. When he had returned from Mexico, things had changed, and though he later learnt why Jenny and Tony had spent at lot of time together, he was glad to finally know how it had all started.

Tony nodded, still looking like he was deep in thoughts. Riding on the tide of honesty, he spoke before his brain could filter the words. "She missed you a lot, when you left, you know."

"Goodnight DiNozzo"

He threw his boss a sheepish grin, "Night, boss".

Instead of walking to the elevator with Tony, Gibbs sat down as he pondered DiNozzo's words. From one of his desk drawers he produced the flask Kelly and Shannon had given him, brushing a thumb over the engraving he wondered if they would have liked Jenny. He immediately dismissed the thought. When he and Jenny had become romantically involved, he had made a promise to himself never to compare or wonder if they would have liked each other, had they had a chance to meet. Instead he treated it like it was two different lives that would never know of one another.

He took a drag of the flask. The strong liquid burned deliciously as it moved down his throat. He had felt jealous, when Tony had recapped the way he and Jenny had first interacted, and how they had confined in each other since he was no longer there. It was obviously his own damn fault for going off to Mexico, nevertheless that only made it worse, because that meant he could only blame himself. He hated the current situation, because Tony seemed to have forgiven his boss for the undercover failure – which was good – and their working relationship seemed to re-blossom under the existing circumstances – which of course was still good – except… well, except he was a jealous old fool, who couldn't figure out what he wanted anymore.

After taking another large sip, he put the small bottle back in the drawer and made his way home.

* * *

Jenny awoke Monday morning all by herself, no alarm or ringing phone just the desire to open her eyes had pulled her from her dreams. Walking down the stairs in a big, fluffy bathrobe, she made it to the kitchen, where she made some coffee. Noemi would pass by later and help clean the house. Jenny had been happy when she'd discovered that Noemi still worked for her, and she looked forward to seeing her again.

After a quick breakfast, she decided to begin herself, and with a hot cup of coffee in her hand, she walked into the study. Leaning against the doorframe, she took in the sight of the big room that used to belong to her father. The walls were still hidden behind massive bookcases, the old pictures were still hanging on the walls, and the giant desk in the middle of the room had remained the same. However, all the documents on said desk were different. Reports and case files were lying in big piles, and the back of her computer was covered with a bunch of yellow post-it notes. She took one of them:

_Check up on Carson_

Carson. The name rang a bell, though it was very quiet one. Carson, Carson, Carson… then the memory of the kid hit her as if she'd always been able to remember it. The time they'd played in her office, when they'd made hot chocolate and finally when he'd called Gibbs. Hollis Mann made a swift appearance in her mind – so that was the blonde he had dated. She couldn't help but smile, when she remembered that the woman was currently on Hawaii, then she scolded herself for such behavior, but the smile remained on her face.

She walked around the room trailing the back of the books with her hand. She finally sat down in the chair behind the big desk, putting the cup of coffee on the table she leaned back, trying to picture a normal day in Director Shepard's life.

A few moments went by before she pulled herself closer to the desk to turn on the computer. First problem, the password… following a familiar path over the keyboard, her fingers typed the word:

_BIOchemistry107_

She laughed out loud, wondering what had possessed her to have that as a password. She opened the internet, bracing herself for what to come she wrote her name in the search square and pressed enter.

**

* * *

**

Tuesday morning they were once again back at work. Paperwork didn't write itself, and they were more than a few pages behind. Yesterday had been a lovely day. Noemi had stopped by during the afternoon, and they'd cleaned the whole house from top to bottom. Noemi had then made dinner and had given a small explanation as to how things worked around the house these days.

Entering the bull-pen Jenny was surprised to see that everyone else was already in. "Morning", she greeted as she put her bag down next to the table. Various replies were given from the team. Looking around, not finding her object of interest, she asked "Where's Gibbs?"

Before anybody could answer, the elevator announced that somebody had reached their floor. A man walked out and everybody turned their heads to get a good look at the guest; he was tall with wide shoulders, his dark hair was short and he oozed of power. Not wanting to be caught staring, Tony quickly averted his eyes back to the screen in front of him, out of his eyes he noticed Jenny's vacant desk. What the…? Standing up he slowly walked over to where she was supposed to sit. He had a hard time concealing his surprise when he discovered her hiding out between her desk and her chair. He was about to ask what in the world she was doing on the floor, but the finger pressed against her mouth stopped him, obviously she didn't want him to give away her hiding-place. She was swinging her arms around, gesturing to something he couldn't quite comprehend, desperately trying to explain to him why she was currently in hiding. Finally the penny dropped and when Tony turned to look for the guest, he discovered that the man had already climbed the stairs and was now being led into Assistant Director Vance's office.

"He's gone", he noted.

Jenny breathed a sigh of relief as she pushed the chair out of her way and got to her feet, purposely ignoring Tony's outstretched hand.

Questioningly he raised an eyebrow, "what was all that about?"

She shot a weird look towards the balcony, it was one Tony couldn't recognize and didn't know how to interpret. "Do you know that man?" she asked.

"I think that is Senator Sommer, why?"

Jenny turned to look at him, taking a step forward she invaded his personal space and forced him to walk a few steps back, so they were out of sight if one stood on the balcony, and in a low voice she spoke so the others wouldn't hear what she had to say. "You know, when you've been out on a Friday night, and you've gotten a little too much to drink." He nodded. "Next morning you wake up in a bed that is definitely not your own, but you don't seem to remember how the hell you got there." Yes, Tony knew that feeling very well, though he was surprised to know that he had that in common with his boss. He signaled for her to continue. "When the surprise fades, you desperately try to remember what happened the night before and slowly and hazy the memories resurface of you and the significant other having drunken, wild sex." Jenny finished.

"Yeah I know what you mean", he answered trying to camouflage the embarrassment he felt for talking about one-night stands with his superior. Jenny kept staring intently at him, willing him to understand what she meant. A few seconds passed in complete silence, before Tony's eye lit up as he finally got it. "You just had a hazy flashback of having sex with…" he pointed towards the office, where Senator Sommer had just disappeared.

Biting her lower lip, Jenny nodded in verification.

Immediately Tony broke into a big laugh. It wasn't all that funny, except for the look of utter desperation on her face. Jenny was quick to slap him across his chest, "stop laughing. It isn't funny!" she hissed.

Trying to stifle his laugh, but without success Tony mumbled back a, "kinda"

"What if we don't speak to each other anymore? What if we dated, or if I got obscenely drunk and threw myself at him? Or what if I was sober? Ugh!" she hit her forehead, palm first, and exhaled deeply in an attempt to get control over herself.

"Relax… he's probably a nice guy, who you had some fun with."

"Except I feel like I just cheated on Jethro", she exclaimed in whisper. "This is not fair. I'm not with him anymore, therefore sleeping with other people is perfectly normal. I just wished… well I don't know what to wish for anymore." Her voice was low and on the verge to breaking over.

Tony tried to stifle the urge to hold her, but he failed miserably and gently wormed an arm around her waist and upper back before cradling her to his chest, engulfing her in a protective hug, "Jenny…" he mumbled into her hair as his own head rested on top of her crown.

It was weird that hugging her didn't feel weird. She was his boss after all, and just because they'd formed some kind of friendship during the past few days didn't change the fact that he was her employee, but standing behind the staircase, running a smothering hand up and down her back, telling her without words that everything would turn out all right felt like the most natural thing in the world. He wondered, when things had developed like that, when their professional relationship had turned so personal, but he drew a blank. He couldn't pinpoint the moment where things had changed for him, it just had, and holding her now, making her feel better, just reminded him of the fact that he was glad things had changed, because it allowed him to be her friend.

"Thanks", she mumbled against his chest, unable to look up and break the spell.

He chuckled, and she could feel the vibration in his body. "You're welcome".

Suddenly she remembered what Gibbs had told her that people had gotten hurt during her vendetta against Rene Benoit, and memories of talks with Tony materialized in her mind. She couldn't recall the face of the woman, but she remembered Jeanne. Benoit could still be a wine from France for all she knew, but parts from DiNozzo's undercover assignment and his involvement with Jeanne returned.

Turning her head slightly so her cheek was pressed against him, she whispered, "I don't deserve your friendship".

Before he could protest, she continued. "I can't remember everything about Jeanne," she felt his intake of air rather than heard it at the mention of his ex-lovers name, "but what I do remember… I'm sorry for putting you in that position", she said with raw honesty in her voice. "I can't recall the circumstances that convinced me it was the right course of action, but I don't believe anything can justify what I did. I shouldn't have dragged you into what seems to be my own personal quest for revenge, and I never should have let things go as far as they did, and for that I am truly sorry."

A few moments passed by, before Tony finally replied, "apology accepted. It wasn't all you fault anyway."

"You fell for her, didn't you?" Jenny asked in a voice barely above a whisper, after just remembering herself telling him: _you are not supposed to fall in love with them_.

"Yeah…"

"Why?" she wondered out loud.

"Why what?" Tony asked, surprised by the question.

"Why her? What made her special?"

He gave a hollow chuckle, "Don't know. She just had that extra something you know, something that made me want to make her happy. She was the first girl I've ever wanted to commit myself to." The honesty between them surprised them both. Logically he should still be furious with her, and instead he was telling her stuff he hadn't shared with a whole lot of people.

"What made you want to commit? What was so special about this relationship?" Jenny was far from interrogating or otherwise suspicious; she genuinely wondered what had made Jeanne so different from everybody else. The chance of Tony meeting his one and only during an undercover job was highly unlikely, and Jenny had always learned not to believe in coincidences, so naturally she wanted to know if she was missing anything, or if Tony had just been really unlucky.

"I…" Tony trailed off, not knowing how to finish the sentence. "We clicked, she was a sweet girl, we had a lot of fun and committing to her was easy." He confessed.

"Because you had to?"

"What?"

"I mean, I guess part of your assignment was to get really close to her, and you could only do that by committing completely, and even though that usually scares the shit of out you, this time it was different."

She could feel him nodding on top of her head. "It's just… this was an operation, and those will always be done with at one point." She paused, searching for the right words to convey what she thought.

"But when you know it has to end, it's not really commitment", Jenny stated.

She felt his arms release the pressure on her. Lifting her head she looked him in the eyes, "I'm not saying you didn't love her, and what you two had wasn't special. I'm merely suggesting the possibility that maybe this relationship got so far, because it had to, and that maybe being with Jeanne and loving her in a way you haven't loved anybody before was easier because you subconsciously knew that at one point it would have to end."

She waited for his reaction, preparing her for the out lash she might get, but nothing could've prepared her for the words that left his mouth. "Is that what you told yourself after you left Gibbs?"

Jenny averted her eyes to the floor as she stepped out of his embrace. "I don't know", she replied hollowly. "I hope not."

The vulnerability in her cracked voice didn't go unnoticed, and Tony immediately felt bad for what he had said. Jenny's observation had taken him aback and he had lashed out. The truth was that he hadn't thought about it like that, and now that he did he could get the idea out of his head, because as much as he wanted to deny it there was a certain truth in what she had deducted.

"I was just trying to give things another perspective", Jenny offered. "I didn't mean to upset you."

Tony sighed. "I shouldn't have said what I said. It's just… what you just said kinda made sense, and… well, I just wish it didn't".

Jenny looked up at him with a shy smile and said, "We should get back to work."

Tony nodded. "Hopefully, Sommer is gone by now."

Jenny's eyes widened as she suddenly remembered what had spurred on this conversation. Placing his arm around her shoulder, Tony dragged her into his side with a chuckle. "It'll be fine."

* * *

The rest of the day passed by relatively peaceful. Senator Somme hadn't left the office before they came back, but this time Jenny had remained seated as he had descended the stairs. Locking eyes with her as he had made his way to the elevator, he had given her a short bow in greeting, accompanied by a "Director Shepard". She had replied by saying his name as well, and then that had been that.

Gibbs had arrived minutes before this exchange and after the senator had left the building, he looked questioningly at Jenny, who simply smiled and went back to dealing with paperwork.

Tony was on his way back from the little men's room, when he almost walked into Ziva, who was standing just outside the door.

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you. Privately", she added upon noticing his confused look.

"Okay. What's up?"

Ziva took her time, before she replied. "You and Jenny… what is going on?"

Tony stared dumbfound at her, "What do you mean?"

"I saw you hugging", she confessed. "Not that I believe you were trying to hid it, since this is a public place, I am just wondering what brought it on?"

"I was just… being a friend, Ziva"

She looked suspiciously at him. Of course she trusted him, and she couldn't see any reason for him to lie to her, and yet she felt like she was missing something. After seeing Senator Sommer entering the bull-pen, she had wanted to check up on Jenny as well. She was probably the only one, who knew she'd slept with the guy, and later broken his heart when she didn't want to engage in a relationship, so after a few minutes she'd followed her and Tony only to see them locked in a very intimate embrace. Ziva couldn't help but feel absolutely defeated seeing them hugging like that. She had first experienced the feeling, when she'd heard about Jeanne, where the way Tony spoke of her had caused her to feel things that she didn't wish to feel. However, she had been able to bury those feelings and compartmentalize them so they couldn't disturb her, but now they were resurfacing and it annoyed her immensely, especially because the object of the more hateful emotions was now her long time friend. It was ridiculous to feel this way, she knew that, but she felt it nevertheless. Jenny had always been able to be one of the boys, and at the same time remind people that she was very much a woman, and now Ziva found herself envying that and it bugged her. She was an accomplished woman, who was able to take care of herself, so why did Tony matter so much to her? Why couldn't she just compartmentalize these _feelings_ and move on?

"Okay…" She turned to leave, but before she could take a step Tony had grabbed her wrist.

Turning her around, he asked, "Are you jealous?"

Ziva snorted. "Do not be preposterous."

Tony smirked that overly, charming, insanely annoying smirk, "why else would you follow me to the men's room, Ziva?"

"I was merely curios", she replied. "After everything with Jeanne I did not think you would want to talk to Jenny."

DiNozzo dropped her wrist. "Actually that's what we talked about…. She apologized."

"Oh..."

"And…"

"And?" Ziva asked, urging him to continue.

"She said, maybe I only loved her, because I knew it would end."

Ziva was shocked, never had she let herself consider that possibility. Slowly the pieces fit together. "That seems like a thing Jenny would believe." She agreed. Tony looked curiously at her, so she continued. "Jenny has never been very good at relationship, not because she is afraid that they will not last, but because she is afraid that they will. The idea of being so depended on one person scares her. She would believe that committing and saying _I love you _to someone would be easier if the end was unavoidable…. The question is whether or not you believe that, and if you do, is that the reason why everything with Jeanne worked out so well…. Before the end of course", she added quickly.

Tony looked helplessly at her, "I don't know." He answered honestly. "I thought, I had the whole thing figured out, but now I'm not sure…. I really, really liked her", he stated after a couple of seconds in contemplating silence.

"I know", Ziva replied softly.

"You know what I really miss?" Ziva shook her head, "Sitting on a regular night, sharing dinner and just watch a movie. I really miss that."

"I could come and watch a movie with you." The words were out of her mouth before she even realized what she was saying.

Tony looked equally shocked at her words, and it continued when he found himself replying, "I'd like that." To avert some of the tension that suddenly enveloped them like a heavy blanket, he continued. "It's about time you learn some of the most important pieces of the American culture… Should we say around 8?"

"Sure. My place or yours?"

"Mine, I got a bigger TV" No way, he was going to watch the most awesome movies of all times on her tiny TV-screen.

Ziva laughed. "Fine. If you handle the movies, I will bring the take-out".

Tony gave a short nod in acceptance. "It's a date then".

Staring at him with complete shock in her eyes, Tony became aware of just what he had said, but before he could explain that date was a common expression for an appointment between friends, McGee rounded the corner and went for the vending machine. He looked confused from one to the other, but instead of interrupting them he just proceeded to put money in the machine. The intermission gave Ziva an excuse to go back to her table, which was exactly what she did while she wondered what precisely Tony meant when he'd used the word _date. _

* * *

At last the day had come to an end. As much as Jenny enjoyed her job, paperwork could be insanely boring. She wondered how much time she spent on it on an average day as Director – probably way too much. She turned off her computer, and from the corner of her eye she noticed Gibbs getting ready to leave, slowing down her movement she managed to be done at the same time as him. Grabbing her bag, she followed him into the elevator and placed herself right next to him.

They rode down in silence, and it wasn't until they reached the garage that Jenny finally broke it.

"Am I a good Director?"

Surprised by her question, Gibbs took a few moments to formulate an answer, and by the time he was done, Jenny had already assumed the worst, and rattled off, "I'm just wondering because yesterday I did a little research and while it seems like I succeeded in befriending our sister agencies I'm not sure whether or not I did a very good job as a Director for NCIS."

Before Gibbs had chance to inquire anything, she continued. "I love working as an agent, I don't know why I would give that up. Am I better as a Director or should I just have stayed as a field agent, I mean why would anyone want that amount of paperwork? I know that the job is full of prestige, especially since I'm the first female Director of a federal agency, nevertheless I can't help but wonder if is all worth it? Because if…"

"Breath, Jen"

Exaggerating, Jenny inhaled a huge amount of air before slowly blowing it out of her nose.

"You were a damn good agent… still is" he added.

Suddenly very self-conscious, Jenny gave him a shy smile. Then the memory of them standing in the hallway engaged in a heated argument hit her.

"_You know, there's no reason to be petulant, Jethro." _

"_Hey, the word's pissed, Jen. You know what? You can drop the Director act. We're alone." _

"_You think my job is an act?"_

"_No, not all of it. Ass-kissing on the Hill is a skill." _

"_So is castration" _

" _I wear a cup… What is this?" _

"_George Stewart's alias and work address. I managed to find it between kissing asses." _

"_It just proves you should have stayed a field agent." _

"Jenny?" Gibbs' voice pulled her away from memory lane. "You okay?"

"Sure, I just remembered one of our arguments about me being the Director", she said with tired smile.

He snorted, and Jenny's smile grew bigger. "How is it going with remembering?"

"Better… I'm still missing a lot though. It feels like I'm slowly working my way backwards. Yesterday a post-it reminded me to check up on Carson, and suddenly I remembered the old case, and that colonel Mann retired to Hawaii, and today I remembered Jeanne Benoit", she offered immediately wanting to stir the subject away from his former love-interest. She hadn't meant to say her name, but it had spilled right off her lips. "I was talking with Tony, when the memories resurfaced, and I was suddenly able to recall some of our conversations about her and how it all ended." Her smile had faded as she reached the end.

"No reason to dwell over it, you can't go back and change it".

"True, but I still don't like it".

They had walked with tiny steps, but had at last reached their vehicles. "You never answered my question, am I any good as the Director or should I just quit?"

"Yeah, you are…" He confirmed. "A very wise person once told me that when you're as good at something as you are, when you can make a difference like you can, you just don't quit."

A ghost of a smile appeared on Jenny's lips. "That's nice. Who told you that?"

"You did"

Jenny eyes widened in surprise, but she tried to brush it off, "well I do have my moments… why did I say that to you?"

"I was back from Mexico to help a friend, but fully intended to go back…"

"… and this was my pep-talk to make you stay?"

Gibbs shook his head, "you didn't want me back. Afraid I was too reckless and unstable, and that I wouldn't be able to handle myself in dangerous situations. But I did return after that incident."

"And I'm glad you did", Jenny confessed in small voice. "Night Jethro"

"Goodnight Jenny"

**AN:** **And there you have it. There haven't been much Jibbs lately, but fear not it'll return in the next chapters!**

**Next time: Exactly how well does Jenny know the Black Rose? Is Tony and Ziva's date really a date? And who is it Jenny dreams about in her sleep?**

**Turn in next time to find out…**


	10. The Memories in the Dreams

**Chapter 10 – The Memories in the Dreams**

**AN: Thank you for the reviews! I haven't had access to internet that's why I haven't replied, nevertheless a big thank-you for those and for the story-alerts. And I'm glad that people like the interaction between Jenny and Tony, because I enjoy it as well.**

**Anyway, here is the next part…**

…

…

Wednesday rolled in, and once again the day was used to catch up on all the paperwork. Luckily, though it had more to do with skills than luck, they'd been able to convince Vance that they should work cold cases after lunch, and he had approved.

Jenny caught Tony's eye, and in unison they both proclaimed the same name, "Sean Connery".

"Yeah, no one will ever beat him", Jenny added once and for all determining that Mr. Connery was the greatest James Bond of all times.

"Okay, next question: favorite movie that you saw in the theater?" Tony asked.

After pondering the question for a few seconds, she said, "I think that'll have to be Titanic".

The look Tony gave her clearly told her how he felt about that choice, but Jenny merely smiled.

"Leonardo DiCaprio is great actor", she said in her defense.

DiNozzo had to agree with that statement. "Especially in What's Eating Gilbert Grape?"

"Fantastic movie!" Jenny exclaimed. "And of course, Johnny Depp doesn't make it any worse".

"Johnny Depp?" Ziva asked out loud. "He was the actor in one of the movies we watched last night, yes?"

A smirk found a way to Jenny's face as she raised a questioning eyebrow. "You guys had a date yesterday?"

"No", they both proclaimed in unison. "It was not a date", Ziva added.

"Oh… so no dinner?" she inquired innocently though the teasing behind every word was very much noticeable.

"Dinner and movie does not necessary entail a date"

"Of course not", Jenny agreed unable to remove her smile.

And then it happened as it did so often now, memories from the past years turned up inside her mind. Suddenly she remembered the times she and Gibbs had shared a meal.

…

"_I don't recall ordering room service. Is that steak au poivre? And frisee salad. Oh. Oh. You know, the last time we had steak au poivre, six people died. What is this meal going to cost me?" _

"_Can't a guy just sit down and have a bite with his old partner?" _

"_Old partner? Must be worse than I thought... How'd it go with Danforth at the hospital today?" _

"_It went okay. If you're Corporal Merrill. Danforth gave an alibi for the day of the explosion." _

"_I assume you didn't believe him." _

"_Why's that?" _

"_Because I wouldn't be eating steak au poivre right now if you did." _

…

The memory continued of them discussing different scenarios of what could have happened. Then another one surfaced.

…

"_Uh-oh! What is this meal going to cost me this time?" _

"_It didn't cost you anything last time." _

"_You mean aside from the thousand extra calories I didn't need?" _

"_I can leave." _

"_I didn't say that. Salvadorian food? How fried. Sit. I'm sorry. Another Marine was injured in Captain Arvidas's group."_

"_I know." _

"_I heard you found the man responsible for First Sergeant Downing's death." _

"_His name is Cesar Bernal." _

"_Can you make a case? I knew this meal was going to cost me. Okay, what do you have so far?" _

…

She wondered what had brought on the big change in their dynamic, because these memories indicated that they had been friends at one point. Jenny recalled Gibbs telling her that they had been more than employer/employee when she'd first arrived, and then Mexico had happened along with La Grenouille. A memory of them sharing coffee popped up, and she couldn't help but smile.

"_Before we get into this, I'm going need a refill." Gibbs pours some coffee into her cup. "That was sweet… not necessarily sanitary"_

Somehow the level of intimacy displayed in sharing coffee made her happy, at least at one point they'd been able to rekindle some of their friendship.

She could feel the butterflies flapping around in her stomach, and she was instantly annoyed that the mere memory of him gave her that feeling. What they had once had was obviously over and done with, and yet no matter how much she remembered the feelings she had for him didn't seem to fade, if anything they were growing stronger.

"Jenny?" Ziva questioned.

"I'm fine… I just remembered some of the dinners I have had that weren't dates", she smiled softly. When Tony and Ziva had turned their looks away, she glanced quickly in Gibbs direction. She was surprised when she caught him staring at her as well and for a few moments they kept the eye-contact, before Jenny broke it with a shy smile.

* * *

Bored to death with her paperwork, Jenny had decided to pay Abby a visit, which had seemed to please the happy Goth who had given her a bone-breaking hug when she'd entered the lab.

"This is fascinating, Abby"

Jenny exclaimed after having observed Abby work on Agent Laurent's case for a good twenty minutes. She had pulled a fingerprint from the assumed murder weapon, and was currently running it through AFIS in the search for a match. At the same time she was doing a gas chromatography-mass spectrometry-analysis on two samples from the victim's blood work. The precision in her worked impressed Jenny.

"I know", Abby replied with a bright smile. "I'm a forensic genius, if anybody could do the perfect murder it would be me", she proudly proclaimed.

"I have no doubts about that". Jenny became silent for a few moments, before she continued. "You work-ethic is impressive. How many hours do you spend in the lab during a week?"

"A lot", came the short answer.

"The guys in the mailroom call you _Energizer Abby_", Jenny said out loud as she suddenly recalled it.

Abby smiled, "Well, I like it this way… Once you gave me an assistant, and he tried to frame Tony for a murder."

"Really?"

Abby gave solemnly nod.

"I'm sorry?" Jenny offered.

The forensic scientist shrugged, "That's okay. You helped clearing Tony so it all worked out in the end. I was madder at myself, because it was my science that pointed at Tony, and Tony is like a brother to me so that was just wrong. And even if he wasn't like a brother, it'd still be all wrong because he didn't do it… Not that the forensic was wrong of course, it was merely deducted from the wrong facts." Abby concluded.

"You guys are close, right?" Jenny asked for the first time realizing how strong the bonds between the team mates were.

"Yup", Abby confirmed. "We are like a big family. You are the mom and Gibbs the dad and we are the kids, and then…"

"_The kids don't like it when mommy and daddy fight_", Jenny whispered quoting the sentence from an old memory as it evoked.

Just then Sergeant Mass Spectrum made the bipping sound that indicated that the analysis was done, and in the exact same second Gibbs appeared in the doorway.

Abby eyes widened, and she leaned towards Jenny and confessed in the loudest stage-whisper, "I swear, he is magic, every time I have something he… materializes. Puff. Out of the blue. Every. Time."

Jenny smiled at the younger woman's theory still trying to process her idea of them as a _family_, "Hello Jethro"

"Stealing one of my agents, Abs?"

"There was neither black mail nor threats of body harm involved, I came willingly", Jenny assured. "I'm just here to help Abby".

They kept the staring-match going as they both walked over to the mass spectrometer, only when they reached their position on opposite sides of Abby did they break the eye contact.

Leaning over, all three of them looked intensely at the spectrum in front of them.

"So…", Jenny pointed at one of the peaks in the spectrum. "The retention time indicates that the sample…."

She trailed off, noticing Gibbs glare upon her. Jenny felt a sense of déjà-vu at the way he was looking at her.

"_Voila. You're looking at a partial circuit board for a disposable cell phone." Abby says. _

"_Any chance we could read the…"Noticing Gibbs stared upon her, she stops. _

"_Any chance we could read the…" He repeats, but trails off not knowing how to end the question. _

"…_Call log", she finishes. _

"_Call logs?"_

"_I have a better chance of getting McGee to wear a Speedo to church," Abby deadpans._

"You want to continue?" She offered with a sly smile, thinking of the memory.

If possible the glare intensified.

"You don't want me to interfere with Abby's work?"

He shrugged, "not my case, not my problem".

Smilingly Jenny asked, "So that peak indicates that the sample contains morphine?"

"Yep," Abby concluded, "our Marine was high when he was killed."

On the way back to the squad room, Gibbs and Jenny rode the elevator.

"I remembered Leon yesterday", Jenny said breaking the silence that had enveloped them.

Gibbs chuckled, "Anything in particularly?"

She shrugged, uttering a meh-noise. "In general I just remembered how annoyed he was when I became Director instead of him".

"You can say pissed, Jen" Gibbs informed.

"I like my political correctness", she retorted with a smile.

He snorted. "Heard about that incident, he should've said some pretty political incorrect stuff himself".

"Oh, he did". He turned to get a good look at her. "But I'm not telling you", Jenny informed cheekily.

* * *

"I think I have something boss", McGee said sticking his head out from behind his computer screen. "It's from a cold case dated back to July 2000. The computer recognized one of the people in a picture from the case-file", a picture of five people sitting around a big table in a restaurant appeared on the big screen.

"I know that woman." Walking closer to the screen, Jenny continued. "Her name is Rose O'Leary".

She turned to look at the others, who were all staring intensely at her. "I'm pretty sure I went to see a ballet with her… "Giselle", if my memory serves me right. We were in London, I believe. I've had a lot of fun with that woman" Jenny stated.

"_How well do you know the Black Rose?" _

"_Well enough to know that I'd like her if she wasn't arms dealer."_

The phrase rang in Gibbs' ears as he recalled what Jenny had told him more than a year ago.

"I…" Jenny came to a halt, her eyes squinted as the memories continued. "She ran guns for the IRA until peace broke out, and then she… She was an arms dealer." The confusion in her eyes was clear. "Why would I be friends with her?" She wondered out loud.

"She knew The Frog", Gibbs said.

Jenny's head snapped to the side so she could get a good look at him. "Rene Benoit and Rose O'Leary know each other?"

Gibbs gave a court nod.

Jenny's teeth held her lower lip captive as she contemplated this new piece of information. The chances of her befriending O'Leary because she knew Benoit were big, and right now it seemed like the only explanation for her friendship with the female arms dealer.

"I actually dreamed about her last night," Jenny offered. "Of course at that time I didn't know it was her. We were walking around the streets of London, talking about…" She looked slightly defeated at them. "I can't recall the actual conversation, but that's when the dream morphed into this nameless man. I'm not sure about his physical appearance, but I think I spoke to him on the phone. I'm pretty sure I was in Paris, because the Eiffel Tower was there and he spoke with a French accent."

The team and Gibbs looked around at one another, all thinking the same thing.

"McGee", Gibbs didn't need to say anything else. The agent in question leaped to his computer and a few seconds later another picture appeared on the big screen.

"Is that him?" Gibbs nodded toward the picture.

"Yes, it is. Who is he?"

"That", Gibbs said, "is René Benoit".

"Huh", not the most eloquent replied, but for Jenny it summed up everything pretty well. After a few moments where everybody had stared intently at her waiting for her to continue, she added, "I thought maybe the photo would remind me of something, anything, but I'm drawing a blank."

"What could the phone call possibly be about?" Ziva dared to ask.

Jenny exhaled deeply. "Ehm…", she began, closing her eyes as she tried to recall the event. "I remember answering the phone. I was standing on a sidewalk in Paris. I could see the Eiffel Tower. You…" She pointed at Gibbs. "I think you were on the other side of the road. If I remember correctly, you were being led into a police car?" the statement ended up sounding more like question.

"That happened", Gibbs confirmed.

"I think that was when the phone rang… I answered it, and that man – Rene Benoit – I'm pretty sure he was on the other side… That was the first time I talked with him."

She held a small pause, searching for a way to explain what she remembered.

"He said that he had been watching me, and that he was impressed with what I had accomplished so far. Unfortunately he had no choice, but to stop me now before it was too late… He informed me that no matter how good I was, I'd never be able to bring him down, because he had more connections and friends in powerful places that I'd ever achieve. To prove that… he got you arrested." She looked at Gibbs with wonderment in her eyes, not knowing whether to believe this dream or not. "Is that possible?"

"Don't know. Don't know what happened, except I was arrested and the next afternoon I was free to go, apparently there had been a mix up."

"You don't believe that", Jenny stated, deducing it from his tone.

Gibbs shrugged. "I figured the agency played some part in it".

"But this… this sort of black-mail", Jenny settled on saying. "Could it have been like that? Could he have used his connections to get you arrested, merely to prove to me that I should back off, because he could make my life a living hell?"

After a second, he nodded in confirmation. It could.

Ducky – who had been on the floor conversing with Gibbs – spoke up for the first time. "In my professional opinion it is very likely that Monsieur Benoit behaved this way. He is not a violent man of nature instead he prefers to do things with certain elegance. I don't believe the idea of inflicting physical pain on you would appeal to a man like him. He would rather demonstrate his superiority like this so that you would choose to back off." He explained.

Jenny nodded, not because she could verify the statement, but because she could follow Ducky's sense of logic. "I think, maybe… Actually no, I know that that's the moment I decided to pursuit the idea of becoming Director."

Everybody looked surprised and slightly curios at her.

"I just remember this feeling of total helplessness and… Inadequateness! And I swore I'd never feel like that again, so…" She trailed off.

Gibbs picked it up. "So you decided to become the Director so you'd have as many connections as Rene Benoit…"

"… And by that be able to bring him down", Jenny finished.

A few seconds passed in completely silence, one so profound that you'd been able to hear a needle drop to the floor.

"After that the dream got really weird," Jenny finally said. "But I'll tell you anyway, god knows I wouldn't know it if was helpful in any kind of way. I think parts of it can be attributed to the fact that I watched Batman Returns last night. I kept dreaming about this phrase _loved one of loved one_" Jenny began, but before she could finish her tale, Tony interrupted.

Staring strangely at them, he said, "I think I know what happened".

…

…

**AN: And there it is, the 10 installment. I know the toxicology-part is simplified since you'd get a more complicated GC-MS-spectrum, where a person not very familiar with it wouldn't be able to see anything so fast, but what the heck a lot of science is usually simplified for TV. **

**Next time: What is it that Tony thinks he knows? Why did Jenny watch Batman Returns yesterday evening? And how come Gibbs was released after only one day of imprisonment?**

**Turn in next time to find out!**


	11. Acceptance of the Truth

**Chapter 11 – Acceptance of the Truth**

**AN: Thank you so much for all the nice reviews. I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but it's encouraging to know the people are reading and enjoying this story! **

…

…

The moment Jenny had mentioned that particular movie, Tony immediately caught the reference. "Batman Returns is the movie in which we meet The Penguin," He explained, "but more importantly it's also in that movie that we are introduced to Catwoman. Man, Michelle Pfeiffer rocked that latex-suit; really there was no man back then who…" The head-slap cut off the rest of the sentence. "Right, boss. You dreamed that you were Catwoman, right?" Tony directed the question at Jenny.

Obviously surprised by this, Jenny could do nothing but nod.

"Was there by any chance a boy with you?"

Finally Jenny regained the power of speech, "how do you know this?" she asked incredulously.

"If you tell us about the rest of your dream, I'll tell you about a story I once heard".

Staring strangely at Tony, Jenny agreed. "I think I was in some sort of basement. In front of me – tied to a chair – was this boy. I'd put his age somewhere around 15. I was wearing this _costume_" Jenny stressed out, still looking bizarrely at DiNozzo, wondering how the hell he knew she was dressed as Catwoman – though of course the actual costume wasn't made of either latex or leather, just black cloth. "Also I was on the phone, and once again I was talking to this René Benoit. I told him, _loved one for loved one."_She looked around; the confusing was clear in her eyes. "I have no idea what that means, but I think it was serious, because I was holding a knife, gently running it over the back of the boy's hand."

Jenny looked shocked. She had thought that this part was nothing but an odd dream, but now she feared it might have happened in real life.

Gently Tony interrupted her before she could beat up herself about the knife's part in the story. "Jeanne once told me this story." He revealed. "We were talking about the significance of one's dream, and she shared that with me."

"_My little brother Pierre had the most realistic dream I've ever heard about." Jeanne declared. "The actual dream wasn't very believable, but he was just so sure that it had happened." She smiled remembering her brother's many attempts to convince her that it had been real. "He was 17 back then. According to him, he was on his way back from school, when he got kidnapped."_

"_Sounds like a bad dream"_

"_It was more like one of those action movies you love so much. To make it even more unbelievable he claimed that he had been kidnapped by no other than Catwoman."_

"_The whole thing was kind of silly, but he tried very hard to convince us that we were wrong. He could remember everything so vividly and very detailed. On the way back home his bodyguard – my dad was a little over-protective when we were younger ", Jeanne explained with a shy smile. "Anyway Pierre dreamt that his bodyguard was stunned with a stun-gun and then he himself had been dragged into a car. The next thing he remembered from the dream was that he was blindfolded and tied to a chair. He tried to explain to my dad that the kidnapper wanted something from my father, and that was why he had been taken – as some sort of ransom."_

_The young woman shook her head, recalling the entire incident. "The weirdest thing was that my brother couldn't remember coming home that day. He told us this story the next morning, but he couldn't recall what he had been doing the day before that was why he was so convinced that the kidnap had happened in real life."_

"_Still sounds like a very bad dream to me." Tony injected. _

"_It was, but eventual he accepted that it had all happened inside his head. First of the bodyguard in his dream told him that it had never happened, and second Dad told him that he had returned home as usual and that they had been out shooting. Pierre had complained about a headache, so early evening dad had given him some medicine to help him sleep or something like that, and dad thought maybe the dose had been too high since Pierre couldn't recall it."_

"_It does seem a little suspicious, and if he likes conspiracy theories as much as you…"_

"_For the last time 'The Da Vinci Code" is a lot better as a book then as a film. The books are always better than the movie-version. You really should try and read one someday", she teased. _

_Tony continued completely ignoring the playful jab, "then it's no wonder he thought it was real"._

_Smilingly Jeanne concluded, "In the end though, he accepted that it was nothing but a vivid dream". _

"He didn't seem to suffer from it." Tony offered, noticing Jenny's disbelieving and panic-striking look. "From what I could tell, he still thinks it was just a dream".

"That…" Jenny didn't even know where to start, "it seems so unrealistic… But somehow, it makes sense. Loved one for loved one – Gibbs for Pierre, it fits."

A profound silence settled upon the room – everybody was trying to think of anything to say to break it, but nobody could come up with something without it sounding like a cliché ice-breaker.

Gibbs voice broke it, "go home, Jenny".

"No it's okay, I'm fine…" Jenny began, but she was cut off.

"Wasn't an offer".

Giving a short nod, Jenny accepted. Quickly stuffing her things in her bag, she was out of the building before anybody could string a decent goodbye together.

* * *

Jenny returned home after a quick stop a Starbucks to retrieve her favorite cup of coffee. Carrying the flamingo cup filled with hot liquid in her hands, she made her way into her living room. Though the fireplace was empty and cold, she still seated herself in the big chair in front of it, drawing up her knees so the cup and her hands could rest on top of them.

A lot of thoughts from different corners of her mind had been swirling around ever since she left the head quarter, and she didn't know where to begin the process of sorting all the new information. First of she had kidnapped someone, a boy at the age of 17 no less. She had held a knife to his skin for goodness sake, probably scaring the kid for the lifetime, and while Tony said that it didn't seem to be the case, he couldn't know for sure – nobody really could except for Pierre.

She had a flashback of buying the Catwoman mask in a costume shop. Apparently the choices had been limited, besides Catwoman there was a Tyrol girl-costume, a French maid-outfit, devil horns and tail and a lot of other useless outfits that wouldn't hide her face. So she had gone with the Catwoman-mask, concealing herself behind dark make-up and a black wig. Then she had proceeded to kidnap the boy after she'd stunned the bodyguard.

And for what had she done it? For a certain Leroy Jethro Gibbs to make sure that he didn't die in prison. Okay perhaps he wouldn't exactly _die_ there, but still she had done what she had to do to release him from his false imprisonment.

Before Jenny had met Gibbs, she had made a five-point plan for her life. On it were 5 goals that she wanted to achieve, and being the Director of NCIS had most certainly been on that list. But then she met him, and as cliché as it sounded her priority had changed. He had been the first man she'd ever told that she loved – the first man where she'd had actually spoken those three words to him. Jenny cringed at the memory of how that had gone down.

She wondered if that was why she'd left him. During the past days the memories she had regained seemed to suggest that she left him to pursue a career, and while that might be the truth it looked as if there was more to it than that. It looked as if she had left out of her love for him as if maybe René Benoit's not so subtle threat had pushed her to leave him. He had gotten Gibbs arrested and that had scared her, because if he could do that by a flick of his finger what couldn't he do? Maybe just maybe she had left Gibbs to make sure he would stay safe while she pursued La Grenouille and dream of becoming the Director of NCIS.

She remembered the good doctor from the hospital Todd Gelfand, who had told her that she'd called if off because of a certain mission. La Grenouille had been that mission of that she was sure. She had broken up with him because she was going to go after the man, who had killed her dad, and once again she couldn't have anyone too close to her, because then Benoit could use them against her – like he had done with Gibbs so many years ago.

She felt a little better as she kept musing over her theory. Yes, she had never been good at or liked being in a romantic-relationship for that matter, but Gibbs had been different – and she liked to think that maybe she hadn't left him only to pursue a career; maybe she had also left him because she loved him.

* * *

Thursday was another slow day. Gibbs had lend McGee to another agent's case, and he was currently working with Abby on recreating the crime scene and by processing the data find the most realistic way of carrying out the murder, and after going through a Mt. Everest size of reports Tony and Ziva had volunteered to go locate some lunch, which left Jenny and Gibbs alone in the squad room, or as alone as one could be in a public room.

Dragging his chair behind him, Gibbs planted it firmly in front of Jenny's desk and unceremoniously dropped down into it.

She looked up from her papers and waited for him to say something.

After studying her for couple of moments, he asked, "Are you okay?"

"I…", she wanted to tell him that she was fine. Yesterday's revelations hadn't had an effect on her, and that after going home she just taken a long bath, watched a TV-program and then gone to bed and slept peacefully. The truth however was nothing like that, yes she had taken a long bath, yes she had watch television, but her sleep had been far from peaceful and yesterday's news had been tormenting her ever since everything had been tied together. Besides she knew he could tell if she tried to lie, so she settled on telling the truth and in general just say as little as possible.

"No… no I'm not okay".

"Want to talk about it?" He offered looking as surprised by his own offer as she did of hearing it.

"It's nothing".

"If the way you've been biting your nails for the past hour is anything to go by, I'd say it was something".

It wasn't until then Jenny realized just how obvious she was in her distress.

Breaking the gaze, she decided to focus on her hands as she confessed what was on her mind. There was no big fanfare or increasing music to indicate she was about to say something important, the only sound was her weak, tired whisper.

"I… I killed him".

There was no reason to elaborate, he understood.

Jenny found it easier to look down as she continued her admission.

"Suddenly I remembered it last night." She began in a low, shaky voice. "I was at the marina on his yacht, we talked…." She paused, her eyes focused on something only she could see. "I remembered looking into his eyes as I squeezed the trigger. Right here." She gestured to a spot on her forehead. "One single bullet, right through his head. Done in cold blood… I didn't think I was capable of that." She whispered, once again watching her hands nervously fidget with a pen.

"I don't want to remember anymore". Her admission was heartfelt and sounded almost child-like in its simplicity.

"Jenny…" Gibbs started and the trail off. He had no idea of what to say to her.

"I can understand why you went to Mexico", she blurted out. "Sometimes I think I'd preferred to remember all this while alone. I know the environment has contributed to speed up the regaining of my memories, but… It's very difficult to be here when everybody's perception of you is different from your own, and now I can see where they are coming from. As much as I remember I still can't understand my obsession with La Grenouille. Yes he killed my father, and yes he threatened the people close to me, but still…" She trailed off lost in her own little world.

"I'm scared", Jenny confessed in whisper. "The woman I've become…", she shuddered at the memories, "I don't know her."

For the first time she looked up to catch his eyes. "I killed somebody in cold blood, Jethro". The reality of it seemed to have dawned on her just now. She, who had always hated taking people's lives and though it came with the job had never really grown to accept it, had murdered someone. "A man with a loving family, and I chose to end his life… I don't understand it. I just… don't."

A silence followed Jenny despaired statement. It wasn't broken until Gibbs spoke, "when they died,"

He didn't have to explain who '_them'_ were either, she understood perfectly.

"I started my own quest of revenge – some would say I was obsessed", he said quietly.

This time it was his turn to look at his hands, while Jenny tried to search for his eyes.

"Of course you did that is very understandable", she reasoned.

"I went to Mexico in search of the drug lord", Gibbs continued. "And I found him… But killing him didn't make me feel any better. It couldn't bring them back", he admitted.

Jenny's hand reached out and placed itself upon his entwined ones before she even comprehended the action. It was the first time she heard him speak of his family, and she wanted him to know that she appreciated it, and that he could trust her with it. She hated seeing her former partner in any kind of pain, even one that was as old as this. She was happily surprised when he didn't push her away, but just let her small hand rest on his larger ones. Feeling brave Jenny let her other hand slide over to his, and boldly she separated them, grasping one hand in each of her own so that she was holding his hands across the table.

"Are we crazy, Jethro?" she asked in a quiet voice.

"Feeling isn't crazy, Jen". His eyes were still averted towards the table, though now they rested on their entwined hands.

"I'm not sure I felt anything when I pulled the trigger".

The sincere conversation was put to an immediate end when Tony and Ziva stepped out of the elevator, carrying two bags filled with bagels.

Reluctantly Jenny loosened her grip on Gibb's hands and folded her arms as they rested in front of her. She immediately missed the feel of his rougher fingers under her more smooth ones. Trying to appear as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened while they were gone, Jenny put on a big smile when she noticed the bags and leaped out of her chair to retrieve her chicken-filled bagel.

"Thank you", she said as Ziva handed over the wrapped bread.

"We got a problem Boss. We just met Agent Langer in the elevator, and he reminded us of the big ball tomorrow evening."

Tony directed his head towards Jenny and sent her an apologizing look. "With everything that has been going on we completely forgot to mention to you that there is a big black and white-ball tomorrow and as the Director you're expected to show up, and that we – as one of your A-teams – are required to join you".

Jenny stared bewildered from Tony to Ziva before her eyes landed on Gibbs. "Do I have to attend a ball tomorrow evening?" she asked very slowly.

"Yes", he offered nothing more and nothing less than that lone word.

"Great!" Her replied was heavy with sarcasm, "isn't that just fantastic. I can hardly wait".

Gibbs accusing eyes made the steam in her lose its pressure. "I'm just not up for a big formal social gathering", she said, the fatigue obvious on her face. "Even though I've regained most of my memory, I'm not sure I can remember everyone".

"You can cancel you know", Gibbs injected.

Shaking her head she answered, "It'll be okay, I can always use it as a test to see exactly how much I do remember"

"I can't believe we completely forgot about it", Tony said obviously beating himself up about his forgetfulness.

"It's fine Tony. I could just think of more enjoyable ways to spend my Friday evening that's all".

"I cannot believe we all forgot about it", Ziva mused out loud.

"Well it has been a trying week…" Jenny said trying to convert the message that there were absolutely no hard feelings. It _had _been a difficult and tiring week so it was perfectly understandable that it had slipped their minds. Normally finding cloth was the most difficult part of attending a party, but she was certain her filled closet held something she could use, so really there was no big problem. It wasn't like she had Friday night-plans anyway.

"So black and white you say?"

…

…

**AN: And that's it for now people, I hope you enjoyed it. If you made it this far, leaving a review would be very welcomed ;)**

**Next time: How much of her memory has Jenny regained? Did she really leave Gibbs in an attempt to save him? And how exactly will the Black and White-ball unfold?**

**Read next time to find out!**


	12. The Feelings in the Song

**Chapter 12 – The Feelings in the Song**

**AN: once again thanks for all the nice comments - it's really appreciated! And just so you know all grammatical errors are mine, and t****here is definitely something wrong with the time in this, but I can't figure out how to do it properly. Hopefully it's understandable.**

**Enjoy!**

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Jenny stepped out of the shower. The warm water had calmed her and made her feel better, less nervous, about tonight's event.

She had spent the whole day in her office getting re-acquainted with her normal work-load. To her surprise Leon had been rather pleasant, and she'd actually enjoyed going over the details of what she had been missing since the accident – though she suspected it had more to do with the actual work than the person who guided her. She'd brought the dress for evening along, knowing she would work until at least 5 and that it then would be too late to go home if she wanted to make it to the ball in time. Pragmatics as ever, she'd arranged for the team to arrive at the event together, meeting in the bullpen at 17.45 so they could all leave together.

Jenny wrapped the white towel around her body and plugged in the hairdryer.

The work was exciting to put it mild, and Jenny had been thrilled to be able to work again. During the past week she'd regained most of her memories, the only ones missing were those surrounding the last week of Paris otherwise she remembered everything – or at least she thought so, she couldn't be sure since she didn't know what she was supposed to remember. She had discovered that while working as a field agent had been exhilarating so had working as the Director of NCIS. The political aspect had forced her to learn how to get the job done without ruining the interaction with the other agencies, and she'd loved the challenge. Of course there were sides of the job she absolutely hated, informing family and friends that their loved one had passed away, or standing idly by knowing her hands were tied and she could do nothing more to help her agents – but almost every job had it downsides, and for Jenny the pro's outweighed the con's by far.

Looking into the mirror she tried to decide what to do with her hair, it was neither really short nor long, just somewhere in between. She settled on braiding it – two French braids both beginning in the front of her head, one along the right side and one down the left side, it ended in little bun located somewhat to the right. The whole ensemble was slightly messy with small red tots sticking out from various places, making the hairstyle less classic and elegant.

She actually looked forward to the ball. Yesterday she'd been overwhelmed with the sudden prospect of seeing all the prominent people at the same time, but now she felt refreshed. The day in her office had been challenging, and she had enjoyed it immensely. She was surprised when she had been able to remember all the important people with whom she usually interacted. On top of that she was able to remember everything about her job, and after a quick discussion with SecNav they had decided that she could return on Monday providing that tonight's event went well. So now the ball had turned into the grand finale test, and if she was able to pass she would once again be Director of NCIS starting next week.

The make-up was simple. It consisted of dark smoldering eyes in perfect contrast to her pale skin. Fixing a loose tendril, Jenny gazed at herself in the mirror satisfied with the outcome. Looking around she searched for the place where she'd left her dress and found that

It.

Was.

Not.

There.

Crap!

She'd forgotten the dress in her office.

Double crap!

She had remembered everything, hairdryer, brush, make-up, towel, hell she'd even brought her heels with her – but the dress, no that one had stayed in the office. Damn.

Jenny eyes desperately went over the room in the search of something she could cover herself with, but she found nothing. Taking a deep breath, she began gathering all her stuff that had been spread around when she'd applied the make-up. Once she was done, she took another look in the mirror. She tugged the towel tightly around her and made sure she'd one hand free should the towel decided to crawl down, then under one arm she held the bag with all her products and in the non-free hand the pair of stilettos.

This was it then.

She walked over to the elevator, thankfully it was Friday evening meaning most people had already gone home, and if she was lucky she wouldn't meet anyone in the elevator. Pressing the button to her floor, she crossed her fingers tightly hoping she was right.

Darting her head out between the open doors, Jenny checked to see if the coast was clear. Not spotting anybody she clutched the ends of the towel tightly in her hand as she sprinted out of the metal box – thanking whoever had decided to make the elevator go all the way up to her floor.

Just as she was about to reach for the doorknob when an unmistakably voice spoke from the staircase,

"Jenny?"

Turning around slowly, looking like a deer caught in the headlights, she came face-to-face with Gibbs and to make the experience even more humiliating McGee was standing right beside him with eyes that were about to fall out of his head. Quickly he raised his gaze so he was staring intently at her face.

Gibbs look equally dumfound, the question _what-the-hell-is-going-on?_ was evident in his eyes.

Trying to keep her dignity, Jenny rattled off, "Just a minute, please", before she flung the door opened and dashed off to her office.

She emerged at the top of the staircase a minute later, fully clothed.

Down in the bull-pen the team was chatting away – Ziva was wearing a body-hugging, lace-covered, black dress that in contrast to the turtleneck only went to mid-thigh. Her hair was in a messy up-do, the almost cat-y eyes framed by liquid eyeliner and her lips were dark red. Abby's black dress was longer, but not less sensual. Though it reached all the way to the floor, the neckline followed suit and the V in the front stopped inches above her navel. All the men were wearing suits, and Jenny couldn't help but smile at Gibbs' obvious suffering.

Gibbs turned his head and caught her eye, and Jenny's smile only grew when she saw his jaw drop slightly- The dress from her closet definitely fitted. Opposed to the two black dresses in the room, Jenny's was white. The fabric went all the way to the floor flowing around her as she descended the stairs. In sharp contrast to the almost angelic white, a wide, black, leather belt created a beautiful empire waist, and since the neckline was low both in the front and the back, she was showing a tantalizing amount of skin.

"You look beautiful", Abby awed.

"So do you, Abs. And you Ziva"

"Bold of you to wear white" the Israeli grinned.

Jenny merely smiled. "We should leave now, if we want to make it in time".

As the others turned to the elevator, Jenny locked eyes with Gibbs. She couldn't interpret what she saw in them, but instead of lingering of its significance she shot him a meaningful look back though she had no idea what meaning she was trying to convey.

* * *

The ride over to the ball had been pleasant enough. She had persuaded Hector – who had been on official leave ever since the accident – to drive them there. The man suffered from server guilt, but had accepted the job anyway, since his leave ended in one week and he needed to be able to do his job if he wanted to return. Abby had avoided any awkward silence that could have been, making more than enough small-talk for everybody happily wondering out loud what to expect from tonight's event.

So far everything had gone smoothly. Jenny had been able to remember every person she had encountered furthermore she had also had the ability to have a decent conversation with them. Currently she was trying to avoid a certain politician, who was awfully shameless in his pursuit if her.

She was nervous; her whole body was alive as if every single nerve was on overload, but she couldn't get rid of it no matter how many deep, cleansing breaths she took. It wasn't the high-profile people or the jerk who couldn't take a hint, which made her feel this way. No, it was _him_. With his blue eyes observing her from a distance, making her feel things she shouldn't. Somehow her eyes constantly found his in the gigantic group of people, but as soon as they made contact he looked away.

Tired of the waiting, and still desperately trying to avoid the annoying man who had taken a keen interest in her, she marched over to him.

"Hello handsome", Jenny drawled having a hard time keeping a straight face. The phrase was from back when they were partners; it was to be used only in emergencies which meant whenever Jenny needed rescue either on a mission or simply just when they were at a party together. The actual words were chosen when they had been rather intoxicated so none of them could really remember why it was so funny – but it was, and _Hello handsome_ had come to stay, especially after that one time when Gibbs had used it to avoid an obtrusive woman had been hilarious.

Gibbs stared at her in surprise trying to gauge if she really meant it, but his body had a mind of its own, and without noticing it he had already grabbed her hand and was leading her to the dance-floor.

The music was slow. For some reason the band had decided to take on Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing", and though it was sounding okay nobody should attempt that – it was a classic and you shouldn't mess with those unless you could really sing.

_Take my love, I'll never ask for too much_

_Just all that you are and everything that you do_

Gibbs pulled her close, and Jenny's breath hitched as she felt his hand put pressure on her lower back. Placing her hand on his shoulder and grapping the other one, they began swaying to the music.

He leaned closed, and she could feel his breath tickling her ear as he muttered, "So who's the fellow?"

Standing on her tip-toes so she could whisper as well, she shared, "3 o'clock. His wearing a white suit", her opinion on the choice of color was evident in her voice, and Gibbs chuckled at her obvious dislike.

_You see through, right to the heart of me_

_You break down my walls with the strength of your love_

Jenny could help but almost silently sing along to the old song. Gibbs made her do a pirouette, and just as she returned to his arms, she mumbled in sync with the woman currently singing, _"I never knew love like I've known it with you. Will a memory survive, one I can hold on to"_

The lyrics suddenly brought back memories of a time she knew was better left forgotten, nevertheless she couldn't get rid of them and the feelings that followed.

Gibbs spun her in, swaying side-to-side following the music, before he spun her out of his arms. Once again their eyes connect, and Jenny – subconsciously still singing along – whispered, _"Your love I'll remember, forever"_

And then it was too much. Just as the music increased in volume, leading up to a vocal master-piece Jenny let go of Gibbs' hand and pushed past him through the crowd of dancing people.

She needed to get away. Away from the music. Away from the atmosphere. Away from him.

_Your love I'll remember forever_

The sentence rang loudly in her head, and as hard as she tried she couldn't block it out, because it was true, wasn't it? She had lost all her memories from the past ten years, and yet her love for him had remained – of course technically it was because she thought it was 1999, but still? And then she'd started to regain bits here and there, and still the feelings had been there. She had remembered her years as Director and the years spent in Spain and even her missions with Ziva, and _still_ the feelings had been there – because she loved him, it was as simple as that. Not just in the past, and not just maybe in the future, she loved him all the time, every day since she had left him had she loved him.

_Your love I'll remember forever_

Jenny had never been in a relationship like the one she had had with Jethro. Never had she told anybody she loved them before, not because she didn't believe in love, but purely because she didn't feel it. Yes she cared deeply, and loved some of them as she did a friend, but never before had she experienced the all-consuming romantically love she'd shared with him. Maybe some people just feel in love easier than she did, and maybe she was too rational, reducing love to a chemical process in the brain (though it really was), and too pragmatic to fall in love.

Jenny stepped through the big French doors and outside on the beautiful terrace to get some air and clear her head. She leaned against the marble railing, taking in the sight of Washington by night as she tried to sort out her thoughts.

Some would probably say she became cynical because of her parents' divorce, but she would say they were wrong. She had seen love between her friends' parents', and she had heard the love-stories of her grandparents though she never really knew them. Yes her parents had screwed up, but that had only enforced the point that you should be absolutely certain before marriage. Gibbs' long list of failures had only been contributing evidence – though that was before she heard of his past, and now she felt certain that that marriage would have lasted had it had the chance to do so.

As a child and teenager Jenny had never pictured her own wedding, simply because she didn't desire it. She wanted to aspire towards things she could accomplish on her own – Her own happiness had always had first priority. And should she find someone she'd want to married then great, but shouldn't she then that wasn't too bad either. She didn't need marriage or a serious relationship to be happy.

The men she'd known before Gibbs had all been great guys – funny, sweet and trustworthy, and she'd cared deeply for every single one she had come to call her boyfriend, but once the guy wanted more, she would have to decline and break-up. She had promised herself long ago that she would never be a girl who would string guys along, making false promises she wouldn't keep or false declarations she didn't mean.

To her the thrill was in the chase, because she loved to flirt. The anticipation and build-up was amazing, especially if the romance was somewhat forbidden, but once she had the guy the feelings instantly went away – sometimes she would try to make an effort in making it work, but after awhile either he wanted more or she gave up. Though a relationship needed work, being with somebody should still be natural, and she shouldn't want to avoid her boyfriend when they were barely even seeing each other once a week. That she was sure off.

So she'd flirted and had flings, and she'd flirted and had relationships – but she'd never once said the words _I love you_ to a man, simply because she never had.

And that had worked out great for her. When she joined NCIS she'd been happy. Jenny had friends, who she loved deeply and saw all the time, and a guy who she dated one who made her laugh and smile every single time they were together. Life was great.

She didn't need a relationship to be happy – she wasn't the lonely girl on Valentine, who insisted that men were stupid and being single was fantastic. A relationship just didn't make her happy. And she found that liberating. Every ones definition of happiness was different, and for her simply being was more than enough. Her friends and family, the yearning for knowledge, the travels and the thrill of flirting – all the adventures of everyday life made her happy.

But then she'd met Gibbs, and as cliché as it sounded he had been different.

First she thought she'd been attracted to him, because he was her mentor. She had a history of wanting the unattainable. After all an interpersonal relationship was frown upon, and like a little kid everything forbidden was more exciting. Of course she'd never acted upon it, she never did when it involved other people, and Gibbs was married. Instead she got to know him, working so intensively together, putting one's life in the hands of the other created a bond that they'd otherwise never have.

She thought the attraction would fade after he divorced Diane, but it didn't. Now that he was available maybe he wouldn't be as interesting, but he was.

She told herself it was because his was still her mentor.

Then they kissed, and she was sure that would be the end of them. She was certain she would enjoy it, but time would make the effort bigger than the enjoyment.

Once again she was wrong. The challenge he presented was unique, and she loved it. Some would say it only lasted for 8 months and that they were still in their honeymoon phase, but she would say they were wrong – because it felt different. The usual feeling of claustrophobia never came (usually it did within a month), the need to escape never came (usually she only wanted to meet twice a week) and the fear of commitment was never an issue (usually she'd feel trapped).

Yeah, Gibbs had been different she mused.

The sound of the doors opening retrieved her from the thoughts swirling inside her head. Even without looking back, she was almost certain of who was standing in the doorway. She felt his presence as he walked closer, and she instinctively knew that this was it. She'd tried to push and avoid this conversation as much as possible, but he had caught her.

Jenny felt the warmth emitting from him as he leaned against the marble beside her.

"Hello Jenny…"

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**AN: kind of a cliffhanger there, but it seemed like a nice way to end the chapter. There was a lot of thinking in this one, but then there'll be a lot of talking in the next.**

**Hope you enjoyed it!**


	13. Relieving the Chest

**Chapter 13 – Relieving the Chest**

**AN: thank you so much for the wonderful reviews, you people rock! Believe it or not, this is the penultimate chapter… hehe, never really thought I'd live to see the day.**

**Anyway, enjoy!**

**…**

**…**

Gibbs observed her for a while, before he approached. Her hastily escaped had surprised him and made him question what had trigged it. The past week had been like a driving a rollercoaster in a six flag-fun park. Every time Jenny had remembered something new and told him about, he had relived it as well. They had reconnected after her accident, and while part of it was because she suffered from amnesia and couldn't comprehend a life without him, another part was because of the time spent together.

Not for the first time he wondered if they could go back to how they were before his retirement. Maybe they could even… no he quickly abandoned those thoughts. Jenny thought she loved him, but only because she couldn't remember everything, once she did things would go back to the way they were supposed to.

But no matter what would happen, he knew the past days would change things. Watching her from afar, he felt like seeing her again for the first time – he really saw _her._ Not Jenny the Director who she had come to be during the past four years, and not Agent Shepard the woman who had been his partner and with whom he had worked with the past week. No he saw Jenny Shepard, the woman he had fallen in love with so many years ago.

He had felt like this once before, when he had seen her for the first time almost 4 years ago. However, she had declined his offer back then, and quickly she had become Director Shepard and he had become Special Agent Gibbs.

Remising about that one moment, where he saw her for the very first time since she'd left him in Paris, he softly addressed her, "Hello Jenny"

The woman in question turned her head around and looked at him suspiciously. "Hello Jenny?" she questioned. "That is awfully formal of you".

Gibbs merely shrugged. How could he explain to her that he was experiencing some sort of déjà-vu? That he felt like he'd felt, when he saw her for the first time in MTAC rising from a seat in the dark with a _Hello Jethro_.

So he shrugged, and she let it be.

They both took in the view of the illuminated city before them. In the garden beneath the terrace, torches had been lit and their lights were dancing playfully in the snow creating an illusion of life.

"It's a beautiful view", Jenny concluded.

Gibbs' eyes swept over here – indeed it was.

She turned her head slightly and caught him looking, sending him a coy smile Jenny asked "Do you like the dress?"

It was practically an invitation to ogle her and Gibbs took it as such, blatantly drinking her in. The truth was she looked like Greek goddess, but he simply said, "It's nice" and resumed looking straight ahead out over the city.

"Nice?" she repeated incredulously though the smile was still plastered on her face. When he merely gave her a side-way glance, she chuckled and shook her head. She too looked into the night.

After a moment in comfortable silence, Gibbs observed her shivering and immediately felt bad for not having noticed it sooner; after all she had been standing outside for a good ten minutes before he came along.

He took his jacket off, and though he was aware of Jenny's questioning eyes he chose to simply ignore her, and before she could protest he firmly spoke, "arms out".

He saw the hint of a smile that passed her lips as she with a complaining sigh yet obediently spread her arms out. He soundlessly chuckled as he guided her arm first through the right sleeve and then the left.

"Thank you", she mumbled.

"You're welcome"

She put her hands in the pockets, and suddenly her eyes lit up in a fashion he had come to understand the past days. It meant she remembered something.

He was surprised by the disbelieving emotions he saw in her eyes. Obviously whatever she had recalled hadn't been very pleasant.

"I left my coat on the plane" she informed him in astonishment. "I left with nothing but a letter in a pocket".

* * *

Jenny gaped at him. Had she really done that? Had she really been that much of a coward and left him with nothing but a shitty piece of paper? She felt physically ill. What in the world possessed her to treat this man in such way?

But she knew the answer. She knew the reasons she had given herself back then.

Jenny lowered her eyes. She remembered the first week after she'd left him. She remembered the crying, the hollowness, the constant change of mind, the exhaustion. She probably didn't owe him an explanation, but she wanted to give him one anyway, though she was afraid it would sound more like a bad excuse.

"There was a reason why I did what I did."

She felt his eyes on her, and looked up to meet them, at least she owed him that much.

"I didn't want La Grenouille to suspect anything, so I ended it in what I believed to be the cruelest way possible… I wanted you to resent me", she confessed in a soft voice.

"It worked"

She looked away again, unable to keep the eye contact. His remark had stung more than she'd like to let on.

"I was trying to save you. Now it seems silly, but at the time it made sense."

He didn't reply, and Jenny opted for silence. Adding to the statement would only make it sound like a plea towards forgiveness. She gave him time to mull it over, maybe one day he'd be able to see it from her view-point. She really didn't want to push him, but she had one question that was practically burning on her lips. Before she could stop herself, she asked in a timid voice,

"Do you still hate me?"

She heard him exhale deeply, and instantly believed the worst, but then he said, "I could never hate you, Jenny". His voice was tired and he sounded somewhat defeated, and Jenny knew that it wasn't because the lack of trying.

The feelings she had, hadn't disappeared, but she knew he had moved on, and that she needed to as well. It had been ten years for crying out loud! Yet, his statement filled her with a sense of hope that maybe they could at least be friends.

"We were pretty good together, weren't we?" she suddenly asked wanting some kind of closure to whatever had happened between them. If they were to be some kind of friends again, she needed this conversation.

He agreed with a smile, "Yeah we were".

Jenny couldn't help but smile too upon seeing him smile.

"Why do you think it was different?"

"Different?" he asked.

"Well… At least for me, what we had was different. It felt more… real", Jenny settled on saying.

"It did"

"You are really contributing to this conversation, huh?" She asked with wry smile.

Gibbs turned to look at her, "It was different, yes, but I don't know why. It just was".

"Well I have a theory", she said. The instant the words left her mouth she regretted them. Yes, she had a theory, but it was a stupid insensitive one. One she definitely shouldn't be telling to Gibbs of all people.

"Really? Do explain".

Jenny shook her head. "It's nothing really."

"Come on Jen, what do you reckon is the reason we worked so well?"

"I…"

Oh, screw it. She might as well just tell him everything, and if he took it really bad, she could always blame the amnesia.

"I've always been a bit of a flirt"

"Well, you won't hear me objecting to that". Gibbs inquired, but Jenny chose to ignore him.

"Actually we both are. But when we were together, I didn't…"

"You still flirted", Gibbs injected.

"I know, but it was different. I didn't feel trapped. Flirting was fun, but not once did I wonder if it could lead to anything. It was harmless… Even when we were together, I wondered what had brought on the change, because I'd never felt like that before", Jenny admitted.

"Usually I'd lose interest. It would be new and exciting and then it would fade within a blink of an eye, but not with you. I've always been fascinated by you." She blushed, when she realized exactly what she was confessing, but I didn't stop her.

"It never felt like I had the whole you, and I liked that. It presented a challenge, because as much as I tried I never got every part of you… and I loved every single moment of it, how screwed up is that? I know I wrote in the letter that I left because of your inability to open up and let me in completely, but I lied. I found it exhilarating."

"And now I know about your past, and I think maybe… maybe the tragedy is what made you this way".

"I'm not somebody who needs saving, Jen" Gibbs dangerously growled.

"I didn't mean it like that. It's just…Please don't take this the wrong way, Jethro, just because it makes sense in my head doesn't mean it does in real life." She hesitated a few seconds, but when he didn't interrupt her, she continued. "Shannon and Kelly will always be a part of you, no matter what happens. They will always have a place in your heart, which means no one will never fully get you heart because it's no longer yours to give. Some part of it will always belong to them…. And in a sinister way, I think I like it like that."

Jenny avoided his stare – she had absolutely no idea how she could explain it, because while it had made sense in her head saying it out loud… it made it sound horrible.

"I'm terribly sorry for you loss, Jethro, but it also made you who you are. And that's what did it for me", she confessed in whisper. "I thrive on a challenge, and you will always been an unfinished puzzle, because no matter what I can never have all of you". She realized where she was heading and immediately stopped speaking. She was supposed to speak about the past, and not let her present feelings cloud her judgment.

"When you say it aloud, it sounds terrible", Jenny offered.

"I think I get it, Jen"

Once more the couple was enveloped in profound silence.

"You're nothing like her", this would have been cruel and demeaning if it hadn't been for his soft voice. He was merely stating a fact: the two women were nothing alike.

Jenny gave him a sad smile. "What was she like?"

She could see the alarm bells going off in Gibbs' head and realized it was probably the first time anybody had asked him that.

"Warm, kind, beautiful… she was everything", Gibbs said after another few moments in silence. "She was a housewife. Loved to clean and cook. She was dedicated to our family and the household. Kelly, she…" he stopped, and Jenny knew better than to push.

Once again a silence stretched between them. Finally Jenny gently said, "I would've loved to meet them".

"They would've liked you". He surprised them both with that admission.

Jenny couldn't help the warm and fussy feeling the spread in her body. It wasn't a compliment per say, and yet it was the most significant praise anyone had ever given her.

"Thank you", she mumbled.

"So you think we worked out so well because of my inability to open up and let go of the past", Gibbs mused out loud in an attempt to steer the conversation away from more heavy subjects. "Most women leave because of that", he said with a ghost of a smile grazing his lips.

"I'm not like most women".

"I know", Gibbs replied. A shy smile appeared on Jenny's lips, and a light red crawled onto her cheeks which has nothing to do with the cold weather.

Avoiding his stare and knowing smile, she once again averted her eyes toward the city before them. He had taken her crazy theory rather nicely. Jenny wasn't even sure if it made sense to him, but it did to her. She had always rationalized every aspect of her life including relationships. She had been desperate to understand why her relationship with Gibbs had been different, and the theory was what her brain had stitched together.

Maybe it was true, maybe it wasn't – no matter the reason Gibbs had been different than any other man. A certain sense of calmness suddenly settled upon her. Gibbs was different, and that was just it. For once in her life she should stop rationalizing and just follow her gut like he had told her to so many times before. Maybe she didn't need to understand it, but just accept it for what it was. Love.

Her life would be a hell of a lot easier if she didn't love him, but she did and no matter how hard she tried to compartmentalize the feelings she couldn't. She knew they had passed their moment and that their relationship was buried in the past, and yet somewhere along the lines their conversation had seeded a hope in her. With a sense of determination she turned to look at him.

* * *

Minutes passed in comfortable silence as Gibbs contemplated what Jenny had said about Shannon and about their relationship. It has sounded weird, but maybe he could see where she was coming from.

"Jethro…" The name was spoken softly into the cold February air. He turned his head to look at her and his breath hitched when he found her looking up at him with bright eyes. She looked at him with such clarity and at the same time such vulnerability that he feared the next words she would say. "I love you".

That was unexpected, and he tried hard to conceal the surprise he felt upon hearing those words pass her lips. Wondering what game she was playing, he started to protest, "Jen…"

But before he could interrupt, she broke the eye contact and continued.

"At first I thought it was because of the amnesia", she elaborated, her eyes distant gazing at something only she could see. "After all I still thought it was 1999. But then I started to regain my memories and the feelings didn't go away, if anything they grew stronger. And now… now I remember everything and I still feel this way."

"It has been very difficult to be around you for the past week", she admitted in a low voice. "I know you don't think of me like that anymore, and yet I can't help myself. I _know_ what we had is over, and I _know_ it's my fault, but… I left in attempt to save you, not because I stopped loving you", she confessed. "And I don't think I ever stopped, loving you that is – because I really do."

He was shocked. He'd never expected to hear those words from Jenny again. While a part of him was still angry and bitter though it had been years, Gibbs couldn't help but smile at her cute rambling. This woman was not like all other women, she accepted his past and his inability to give her his whole heart. She didn't mind. And then Gibbs had an epiphany, like a lightning from a clear sky it hit him: Jenny accepted Shannon.

He didn't have to listen to her insecurities and worries of being compared to a ghost on a pedestal. They wouldn't argue over his inability to 'fully commit'. She wouldn't tell him to move on, because she knew he had moved on as much as possible. Jenny accepted him in way no ex-wife or past girlfriend had ever done. For the first time he wouldn't have to live two separate lives, because Jenny knew his late family was nonnegotiable and yet she was still there.

"Jenny…" Her head angled towards his voice once again at the breathing of her name. He took in the nervousness and uncertainty in her eyes, and was marveled at the determination he also saw. This woman had just poured her heart out, and he knew how difficult it was for her, and she was now waiting for his answer , one she was sure would cause her pain, and yet, yet she had that determined spark in her eyes. Yes Jenny Shepard was unlike any other woman he had ever met.

"I love you, Jethro" she said with something close to defeat in her voice. "I wish I didn't, but I can't help it."

Words failed him in that moment therefore he went with his gut, which had always proved itself worthy. Instinctively he reached out and cupped her face with both of his hands. He almost smiled at the look of pure shock that settled upon her features. He leant down, stopping only a hair's width away from her lips, as much as he wanted this it had to be her decision. For a second, time stood still, breathing in the same cold air as her Gibbs waited for her to react. From here it could go either forwards or backwards both literally and figuratively – the seal had been broken, they had shared too much in this conversation for it not to have any consequences.

A bomb of happiness exploded in his chest, when he felt her lips pressing timidly against his. His memory had not done her justice. Her lips were softer and warmer than he remembered, burning him in way that sent tingles down his spine. Pulling her face closer, he kissed her more intensely, needing her to understand that this was serious, that he meant it.

Before the simple kiss could evolve to more, he drew back slightly only to rest his forehead against hers. Gibbs opened his eyes and stared at the woman in front of him, this beautiful, beautiful creature that he had once let go. God knew he had blamed her for their break-up, but truthfully had had always wondered what could have happened if he had fought for her. Yes she'd left, but it was him who hadn't followed. It was him who had accepted her decision without questions so very unlike him.

Looking at her now he remembered the trust, the fun, the lust, and most importantly the love they had shared so many years ago. He remembered how complete he had felt, and how ridiculously wonderful his life had been ever since she'd entered it. And he knew without uncertainty that he wouldn't let her slip away a second time.

Life without Jenny had been good at times, but life _with_ Jenny would never be any less than great.

If possible Gibbs drew her closer, and just before they shared a second kiss, he mumbled against her lips in the most heartfelt whisper,

"I missed you, Jen"

**…**

**…**

**AN: And there you have it So now there is only one chapter left to tie up loose ends and end this story with a sense of conclusion. It'll be a re-write of a season 5 episode… can you guess which one? ;)**


	14. Internal Affairs

**Epilogue – Internal Affairs**

**AN: Sorry about the long wait, but Christmas is always a time-taker. However, here it is: the finale chapter! I can't believe I'm actually done with this story, and it only took me 2 years and 96 pages. Unfortunately the long time between writing this story made me screw up the time-line. For some reason I had gotten into my head that this was set in season 5, while there was the writer-strike. It's not a big problem, it just means that the times I mention years, they are a bit off. **

**Anyway, a BIG thank you to all of you who have reviewed, story-alerted and favored this story, you guys are fantastic and I wouldn't have finished it without you, so big thanks from here!**

**..**

..

Tony entered the bullpen, happily trying to juggle the hot cup of coffee in his hand and his phone. Things had after three months reached some kind of normalcy in the bullpen. Jenny was back as the director and doing great. He had noticed how she smiled more often these days, not just since the accident, but since ever really, and Tony had a pretty good idea why that was because she wasn't the only one. Gibbs too looked happier these days, though it was a bit harder to tell with him. Still Tony felt pretty certain that his two bosses had finally worked out their issues, or at least were having fun while working them out.

A loud stamp shocked him from his thoughts. Tony turned to glare at Ziva.

"I got a hot beverage here."

At that McGee's head piped up from behind the screen. "Keep it over there, please. I'm backing up three years of case-files. They are in these cables right now flying back and forth and zeros and ones."

"And you do understand", Tony inquired, "that I'm the ones and you're the zeros?"

Tim glared, and Ziva stapled.

Tony looked at the small circular papers, Ziva left in her wake, and his eyes lit up.

"What?" Ziva whispered. Tony merely smirked.

A few moments later he moved over to where McGee was still working on the back-ups. Armed with the cup in his hand, he began exploring the computer.

"Hey! Careful with the liquids, I told you it's very sensitive", McGee warned.

"Well, so am I, McZero", Tony replied in his usual McGee-mocking fashion. "What? You think I am a complete klutz?" He began balancing the cup in his hand, moving it over all the electronic with jerky movements to prove a point.

"No no... Tony" McGee leaped from his chair in an attempt to rescue his expensive gear. With both of them trying to grasp the cup, it tipped overflowing the computer with – paper.

Tony smirked, and grabbed Tim's shoulders. "That worked!"

"Yeah", Gibbs strode into the squad room with the usual coffee in hand. "How about the phones? They work? I've been calling"

"Actually", Ziva answered holding a phone in her hand, "they do not."

McGee's equipment began to bip along with other warning bells. "No…" McGee looked around with nothing but sheer panic in his eyes. "No… no no no-no", frantically he typed away on his computer as the screens around him blurred and then faded to black. "The units are getting power. It must be a problem with the router…"

While he rattled away, the elevator pinged. Out stepped Fornell and his team.

"It's not my fault" Tony said in defense, "I didn't do this".

"Freeze", Gibbs bellowed, banging a keyboard against his screen in a sad attempt to bring it back to life.

"No need for that", it wasn't until then that the team noticed Fornell's presence in the room.

"Tobias? What's going on?"

"It's a shut-down Gibbs" the senior agent explained, "A few months ago they pulled a body out of the bay. PD has had him on ice while they were tracking down a DNA-match."

"Yeah and?" Gibbs asked. He eyes quickly darting to the stair-case where Director Shepard was making her way down with calculated steps.

Also noticing the red-head, Fornell raised his voice a little bit to convey the gravity of the situation. "Body's been positively identified as Rene Benoit".

"La Grenouille?" Jenny inquired with mock innocence. "He's dead?"

For less than a second her eyes made contact with Gibbs'. She didn't think he would tell on her, but she wasn't completely sure. The last two months had been wonderful – fantastic even. Everything was new and exciting and at the same time old and familiar. She trusted him with her life, yet she found herself putting him in a position where he would have to comprise values for her sake. Jenny had killed Rene Benoit, they both knew it, was he willing to cover for her yet again? Especially since this time it wasn't a probie-mistake, but a calculated murder.

As if he had read her thoughts the FBI-agent added, "Murdered".

"This entire unit is under investigation". Fornell bellowed.

* * *

"This is ridiculous", Abby commented, leaning heavily against the table, where Ducky was going through some papers. "We are prisoners in our own evidence locker".

"We are not prisoners", Ziva said.

"We are evidence", Tony supplied grimly, staring at the FBI-agent who was sent to supervise them. "So we're locked up".

"Why are we being guarded then?" Abby argued. "I mean we are being guarded right?" She made a sharp turn and pointed at the man standing in front of the elevator. "You are being very guarded on whether or not we are being guarded!"

"Abby relax" McGee said softly. "I'm sure you're not a suspect"

"Well who is their suspect?"

"The FBI is not ready to walk anyone out in hand-cuffs", the old doctor explained.

"They are trying to keep it quiet", Ziva added.

"They don't even know what they are looking for", Tony said a little louder, trying to goat their guard who wasn't a guard.

"So what, we're supposed to just hand them their first clue?" Abby asked.

"No us – Gibbs", Ducky replied.

Meanwhile the agent in question was talking to an old friend.

"Evidence let to someone in this building", Fornell revealed as Gibbs took his usual seat in the interrogation-room.

"What evidence?"

They locked eyes, both willing the other to give in. "Other side", Fornell finally said.

Reluctantly Gibbs got out of the chair and moved to the other side of the table. When he was once again seated, the FBI agent put a picture on the table. Gibbs immediately recognized the French arms dealer though he had no eyes. A bullet-hole in his forehead gave away the cause of death, and he remembered the spot Jenny had shown him while sitting in the bullpen on a cold winter day.

"Don't seem too shocked" Fornell commented, "that La Grenouille is dead". Without waiting for an answer, he continued. "We have determined that you and your team had significant contact with La Grenouille on the day he died. That morning there was an earlier attempt on his life."

"He wasn't the target", Gibbs explained recalling the events. "His daughter was."

"Somebody was taking things personally. You ever figured out whom that somebody was?"

"Nope"

Fornell rustled with some papers and found another document. "The official report has you, McGee and David visiting a yacht where La Grenouille was thought to be staying."

Gibbs nodded in confirmation. "Yeah, we just missed him".

"Did you?" Tobias' words were quick. "Cause the time of death roughly coincides with your visit."

"Ziva, McGee and I were here all night securing a warrant".

"I'm sure their reports will verify the timeline"

"Is it my alibi you're after Tobias? Before that, I was at the Directors house", he elaborated. He might as well say it now so the FBI wouldn't accuse him of withholding information should they find out.

"With Jenny Shepard?" Gibbs nodded. "And the deceased?" Fornell asked. "Her phone-records put them in contact the night he died. Were you part of their little chat?"

"He left. I left." Gibbs said unceremoniously.

"Come on, Jethro. Can't be that simple. What the hell were you all doing there?"

"He wanted protection"

"Maybe you should have provided it?"

The two men stared at each other for a few seconds, before Fornell asked the question that Gibbs knew was coming.

"Are you protecting anybody now?"

He knew they suspected Jenny, how could they not with her rather irrational behavior last year? "It's not my alibi you're after."

"Can you account for the Director's whereabouts and actions after you left her residence that night?" Fornell was back in full interrogation-mode.

The only way to not answer the question, merely was to change the subject. He loved Jenny, and the last few months had been great, better than great. And one should always protect one's owns. Except Jenny wasn't part of his team, and she made a choice back then. What she had done was neither a mistake nor an error, and protecting her would legally make him her accomplice. But he loved her, and he knew without doubt that if anybody found out she would be prosecuted with murder-charges. So Gibbs just hoped that he could get through this whole ordeal without neither confirming nor denying any of their suspicions.

"You're gonna accuse the Director of NCIS of murder that evidence better be damn good". Gibbs said.

"You think I'll be here if it weren't? We both know that her connections to La Grenouille had nothing to do with the job – never did. This might have been her mess to begin with, but she spread it all over this place."

"When this is done, and she is cleared, I wanna see that file."

"When his is done, _if_ she is cleared, I just might let you," with that Fornell left the room.

* * *

"Hello again, Leon." Jenny greeted from behind her desk. "This is our second meeting within a few months; one might think that you taking over my job were becoming a habit".

The man simply shrugged. "SecNav felt this warranted a plane-ticket."

"You're interrogating my agents. I assume you have a suspect?" They stared at one another, both of them smiling that over-politely smile. "And you have been brought in to over-see. Well, Assistant Director Vance you're gonna ask for them?"

He raised an eyebrow and Jenny merely opened one of her drawers and took them out – her keys, her gun and her badge. She knew why he was there, and Jenny saw no reason to prolong his visit.

"Under the authority of the Secretary of the Navy as acting Director of NCIS I hereby release you of your duties. I'm sorry Jenny, you're suspended."

* * *

"Well we've been here before, haven't we Toby." Tony said as he – finally – entered the interrogation room. Everybody, Gibbs, McGee, Ziva, Ducky and Abby had been there and now it was his turn. "You were saying some pretty bad stuff about me back then. I hope you've learned a few things since then, I know I have."

"Yup", Fornell agreed as he closed the door and sat opposite Tony, "you have done some growing, DiNozzo. Your Director thought enough of you to personally select you for an extended undercover assignment."

"Yep, she played matchmaker" Tony replied trying not to lose any of the chips he had stuffed into his mouth.

"How did you get so close to La Grenouille's daughter?"

"I see where you're going with this. You'd like to know a few pick-up tricks, huh? I wish I could tell you, but it's kinda of a family secret and I took an oath. Sorry". Tony said with a smile. "Chip?" he offered.

Fornell shook his head with an almost disbelieving smile. "So you reported back to the Director about the girl?"

"Jeanne. Yes well her father was an international arms dealer, a threat to the country, the world really. So yeah, I did what I was told."

"The Director ordered you to sleep with her?"

"Wouldn't call it an order."

"So you didn't have any problem developing that kind of relationship?"

"No. Not at all"

"But you develop feelings for her", Fornell continued. "That wasn't very professional of you Tony. How did that happen?"

"Gradually… And then all of a sudden…"

"The Director tells you to break the girl's heart. What did that feel like?"

"This is more like a therapy session than an interrogation", Tony commented. "Why are you so interested in my feelings?" He asked.

"Because you had them", Fornell informed him with an expression resembling quite a masochistic smile.

Had this been right after Jeanne left, Tony would have lost his temper during their exchange. However, months had passed since then and he was moving on. He had talked about it with Gibbs and Jenny, and that was enough. He had processed the data, forgiven Jenny and he was ready to put it behind him. What was done was done. He couldn't undo it. The only way for him to move forward was to accept that it had happened, otherwise he'd let guilt lead the rest of his life.

Fornell rose from his chair, walked a few steps and finally continued. "Jeanne must be going through hell."

"I didn't mean to hurt her" Tony answered honestly.

"What other option was there? She was an obligation too, right?"

"I don't know", Tony replied honestly.

"Come on Tony, you are a better liar than that"

Some clicked. "Well, you are right agent Fornell, I'm lying." He crossed his arms. "Everything I did with her was a lie. Just for calling those lies, I believe that I am lying now. It's a cacophony of lies really. Are you getting all this?" Tony yelled at the mirror. "'Cause it's good stuff."

Tony took a deep breath. "Yeah, she was in love with me. We were in love. What else do you wanna know?"

"How was it supposed to end Tony? I mean there was never gonna be a happily-ever-after… Earlier that morning, the day her father died Jeanne was almost killed twice. You barely managed to safe her from a drug-dealer when somebody tried to blow her up."

"Yeah I know… Somebody should figure that out." Tony mumbled.

"Likely one of his enemies", Fornell continued.

"Likely. He had a lot of enemies. Any one of them could have caught up with him at that yacht."

"Through the girl. Jeanne was the key to her father. No one knew that better than you. So let's talk about that night. David said she left you alone in Jeanne's apartment. She tried calling you on the phone next morning, but nobody answered. Your partner did not know where you were."

"I went out for a drive" Tony practically whispered in disbelief. Was Fornell really going where he thought he was going? This couldn't be happening.

"Your car was blown up that morning."

"The company car", DiNozzo elaborated.

"Where?"

"I needed to clear my head. I wasn't plotting a course, I was upset."

Fornell's pace speeded up, the words flowing quickly from his mouth. "Of course you were. The woman you love is in danger, she is running from her life, and you can't protect her. She'd never be safe, not with her father alive, she knew it, you knew it, there was only one way to save her. You killed La Grenouille!" Tobias concluded with a hand hitting the table.

"I did what?" Tony asked flabbergast.

* * *

"Don't get to comfortable", Jenny said as she opened the door to her office – well technically his office. "You already scratched my Sati".

Leon looked around a bit confused, she elaborated. "Your agents have been tearing apart my house all afternoon, and they wouldn't even tell me what they were looking for."

"La Grenouille was killed with a 9mm Glock." Fornell informed.

"You have a second weapon", Leon chimed in. "A 9mm Glock. Registered for personal use". He held up the paper to verify his statement. "Yet we can't find it"

"You could have asked me", Jenny replied informingly.

"Where is your gun?"

"I gave it to La Grenouille." It wasn't really a lie. She did give it to him- he just gave it back.

"Anybody witness that?" Fornell asked.

"Gibbs".

There, she said it. Now all she had to do was wait and see if he'd back her up. If she was lucky they might not even ask him, otherwise it'd be a choice between her and his moral and legal duties – and she really hoped it wouldn't come down to that, because she had no idea what he would choose.

"Works for me", Leon nodded in agreement. "La Grenouille took the gun, DiNozzo took it from him."

"DiNozzo?" Jenny asked, not understanding what was going on. They couldn't possibly be saying what she thought.

"He is in custody." Vance explained. "An eye-witness at the marine saw Agent DiNozzo commit the murder."

"You have a positive ID", Jenny said incredulously. "At night, in the dark, from a distance." This was beyond ridicules, and even if such a witness existed why on earth would they point at Tony? They wouldn't have been able to see more than a mere silhouette and Jenny was pretty sure hers and Tony's were nothing alike.

"I think she'd recognize her boyfriend". Fornell replied smartly.

"Jeanne Benoit is your witness? You turn my entire department upside down based on her testimony? I wanna talk to her."

"Absolutely not"

"Okay", Leon gave a short nod. "Okay".

* * *

Jenny entered the interrogation room and sat down in front of the younger woman. "My name is Jenny Shepard. I'm the Director of NCIS." She held a slight pause. "I'm the one responsible for your pain. I ordered Tony to involve you romantically, involve you in something you'd nothing to do with. I'm sorry. I crossed the line." She spoke slowly and simple. Jenny needed for Jeanne to understand every word, so there wouldn't be any misunderstandings later on. Not that Jeanne was stupid, but the woman was obviously in emotional distress. Jenny felt another deep pang of regret, looking at the broken woman in front of her – she could blame no one but herself for the woman's condition.

"He felt horrible for what he put you through when he told you the truth."

"I think it's a first sign you're doing something wrong, if you feel bad about telling the truth." Jeanne spoke for the first time.

"You think Tony is a bad person?"

"He killed my father". Jenny marveled at the determination and finality in the woman's voice. How could someone sound so sure of something they knew was so wrong?

"That must have been the worst day of your life."

"Of anybody's life", Jeanne added sounding defeated.

"And know you can't stop reliving it", Jenny said knowingly. God knew, she'd felt like that, "the way you were feeling, you probably just wanted to run away from it all. Brought a plane-ticket, packed a bag, maybe you were tempted to leave a note, some last words before…"

"I knew what Tony was capable of." Jeanne injected.

Jenny continued as if she hadn't been interrupted. "Next thing you know, you're in the car on the way to the airport, praying that any minute you'd wake up and find that none of it never happened."

"I trusted him", Jeanne exclaimed in a whisper, "and he lied to me".

"Even after all the deception do you just go? Or do you stop and see him one last time? That's the moment, right? You've been taking body-blows all day, and finally that's the moment. You actually have to make a choice. Forget the airport. You go to the marina, pull the car over…"

"Yeah that's when I saw him."

"You dad?"

"Yes"

"One last time before he is gone"

"Yes"

Jenny shook her head. "No… You're lying. What really happened Jeanne?"

"It's my fault", Jeanne finally said, and Jenny's heart broke for the young woman. "I did it. I killed him."

"It feels that way doesn't it?" Jenny tried to keep her voice smooth, not wanting to show anybody how hard this was affecting her – because it was. She knew exactly what Jeanne was going through. "But it's not true". She had repeated that to herself several times the past decade. "Believe me, I know".

"You blame Tony, now you're blaming yourself. What really happened that night?"

"I made the wrong choice. I wanted to see him, he was waiting for me at the yacht, but I just couldn't. I kept driving."

"You never went to the marina".

"I figured he'd come and find me. No matter what dad always found me, and when he didn't I just knew."

Jenny felt like she was going to be physically ill. Listening to Jeanne's obvious regret and sorrow, seeing her so devastated made the guilt inside her unbearable. Jenny was the sole cause of all this. Had she not hunted Rene Benoit, had she not been so blinded by revenge, this would never have happened. Jeanne would not have lost her father, and she never would have met Tony.

Every war had is casualties and every murder affected someone, but never before had Jenny been sitting in front of them trying to minimize the pain she alone had inflicted upon them.

Jenny felt like crying. Yes, she had hated Rene Benoit like no other person in her life, she was sure he was involved in her father's murder, she knew he'd used contacts to arrest Gibbs, and she knew he would've made her life a living hell if she'd kept digging in her father's past – but did that make it okay? Who was she to decide whether people lived or died?

Yes she hated the man more than anything, but did that really give her the right to take his life? No. She could've looked harder for evidence to lock him up, but the risk would always be there; that he'd escape. He was charming after all, and he had contacts. Yes, she could have tried to take him down by other means, but she hadn't. And Jenny knew the guilt would never truly go away.

Gathering herself as much as she could, Jenny spoke in even voice,

"You must be angry that you can't have that one moment to live over and over again. I don't know if you could have changed it, I don't know if you could have saved him. He loved you of that I am sure".

Jenny held the eye-contact for a few moments before she broke away and turned to look at Leon. Though she should be satisfied that she'd cleared Tony, she couldn't forget Jeanne's eyes, and she instantly knew. They would haunt her forever.

* * *

Tony spotted her out of the corner of his eyes. His hand hurt from punching Kort, but he didn't care. Jeanne had broken the eye-contact between them before it had even been established, and he found that he didn't really care about that either.

"Be a man Tony", he heard Ziva's voice beside him.

"She accused me of murder", he halfway whispered in anger. After everything, the woman had accused him. He knew he had nothing to be angry about, it was after all him who had lied to and deceived said woman, and yet he felt betrayed.

"Who is the bad guy? Be a man. Go tell her what she needs to hear."

Their eyes connected and he took in Ziva's broken appearance. The Israeli was tough, but he knew her better than most and knew where to look. He felt a sudden urge to reassure her, to tell her that she was his best friend, and any relationship he'd ever have with a woman would never jeopardized them, because Ziva's presence in his life was nonnegotiable. And then he thought of the fact that she might date someone, and not just date but seriously commit like he had to Jeanne. David didn't seem like the type to settle down, but then again neither did he. He suddenly felt an irrational jealously towards a nameless man Ziva would date in the future. Then he thought of his reaction, and realized that maybe… and then staring into her eyes pondering whatever he was feeling, became too much.

Tony turned and left in an attempt to catch Jeanne.

"Hey, can you give us second please, thank you". He asked the man who was escorting her out.

"No problem."

Tony finally looked at the woman he had been mourning for the better part of 8 months. "Hey…" Taking a deep breath he began his explanation. "I'm sorry you got caught up in the middle of all this." Before he could complete it, Jeanne interrupted.

"Was any of it real, Tony?"

He though back to the past few months, where Ziva had been a constant in his life, and while they had always been close professionally speaking, their personal lives were now also entwined. It had started simple with her movie- and American culture education with Tony DiNozzo as her teacher. They would watch a movie, go to a certain restaurant, bowl, play laser-tag, go sight-seeing in Washington, because while Ziva may have lived in the city for years, she'd never bothered to play tourist. All things that were simple and innocent when they stood alone, but they didn't. Tony saw Ziva practically every day these days. It wasn't like any of them currently had other obligations. So they ate together, they saw movies together, they laughed, spared and discussed together. All the things – except the sparring and the sex– that he and Jeanne did, he now did with Ziva.

The elevator arrived just as a realization hit Tony.

"No"

And that was a lie. He had touched it, tasted it and most importantly felt it, and to him that had made it real. He had mulled over Jenny's words many times in the past, and he knew that some of them were right. He probably wouldn't have fallen so hard for Jeanne, if he wasn't forced to do so by the operation. But he had been, so he had fallen even if out of necessity, and it had been real to a certain extent. However, Jeanne deserved better. They would never be able to move past it, and if he had said exactly what he felt for her and confessed what a mess he had been after her leaving, she would always think 'what if' or 'if only', and Tony knew he couldn't do that to her. It wouldn't be fair.

She stepped in.

"I wish I'd never met you."

And that hurt.

* * *

Jenny entered her office as Vance was packing his bag.

"I hope you had a pleasant stay", she offered politely.

He shrugged as he stuffed in the last papers.

Jenny continued, "It was never my intention to burden you with this responsibility. It's a long flight for just one day of work".

"I don't mind. My wife, however, is not so forgiving".

She felt a small sympathy for the man in front her. This job was time-consuming and the hours could be horrible, Jenny knew from firsthand experience how difficult it was to have a personal life when you had a job like this – and Leon had a family. It was amazing that he hadn't succumbed to stress.

He must have noticed her odd look she was giving him, because he added. "But she is also very understanding".

Jenny gave a small smile, before she spotted a little wood stick on her desk.

"This yours Leon?" Jenny pointed at tooth-pick.

"Keep it", he retorted with a smirk.

With a raised eyebrow she simply brushed it off the desk and took a seat behind her table.

Gibbs entered just as Vance grabbed his bag and headed for the door.

"Fairytale-ending", Gibbs commented after Leon had closed the door behind him.

Jenny smiled. "The frog is dead, and the jesters have been kick out of the kingdom".

"The queen is back on her throne".

Jenny rose from her seat, though she had just sat down, and moved around her desk to lean against it. In her own way she was trying to create less distance between them, because in this moment she didn't want to be his superior. "If you're expecting some sort of knighthood, I'm sorry to say I've misplaced my sword."

"Maybe it's with your gun", he offered mockingly.

Of course he remembered Mr. Benoit leaving the gun. And yet he was still here, standing in her office with a soft smile playing on his lips – the one he reserved for when they were alone. He could have turned her in, but he hadn't.

"Maybe", she retorted.

"Funny quirk about the frog – arms dealer, never carried a gun." Gibbs said as he moved closer to where she was leaning against the table.

"Except that night"

"That what happen?" He asked, still moving closer to her, but the small smile was still on his lips, and Jenny knew he wasn't going to say anything. For a moment she had been worried, yes she trusted him, but she _had _committed murder and he knew it, and not turning her in had technically made him her partner in crime. She sent him a smile.

"That's how I remember it, but then again some of my memories have been a little clouded since the accident."

Gibbs simple stared at her, and Jenny knew time was up. "Thank you", she said in a half whisper casting her eyes down. "I know you don't approve of what I did, but…" Her voice halted, and her eyes became glassy as she looked up into his eyes. "I really appreciate everything you've done for me, Jethro. I…It… Thank you."

He was as close to her as he could get without touching her, placing his hands on the table he physically trapped her. She looked at him with a sad smile as a feeling of extreme gratitude for having him with her washed over her. He knew her, knew everything about her, and yet he was still there. He was still here, in front of her, despite _everything_. Jenny ran her hand down his cheek, lightly tracing his features with her fingers. God she loved this man. His hand shot up and grabbed hers, moving it to his lips he placed a soft, gentle kiss on the inside of her wrist. Gibbs tugged her closer, pushing her hand around his neck, and just before his lips could touch hers, he mumbled,

"Long live the queen".

..

..

**The End**


End file.
